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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27171647">The First Date</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lonely_has_always_had_me/pseuds/The_Lonely_has_always_had_me'>The_Lonely_has_always_had_me</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Third Law of Fluff [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(it's mostly just making out), A little from Martin's POV, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Asexual Character, Jon had a terrible ex, M/M, Mostly Jon POV, The lightest of smut, a bit more of that internalized acephobia, don't we all, early season 1, fluff as a coping mechanism, hints of a past traumatic experience but it won't be discussed in detail, mature content is in the discussions, no it's not Georgie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:36:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27171647</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Lonely_has_always_had_me/pseuds/The_Lonely_has_always_had_me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jon did not have extensive experience when it came to dating, a fact he was sure would surprise absolutely no one.  In general, he’d found them to be tedious, awkward, and nerve-wracking affairs.  Most had gone terribly, and even the couple that had gone passingly well had left him exhausted from the pressure of measuring every sentence and action for social acceptability (and still missing the mark more often than not).</p>
<p>He’d certainly never had one go like this.</p>
<p>-Or- Welcome back to the fluff fest! The world is scary and entirely too overwhelming; so I'm offering up some warm JMart for your comfort and mine!  Mature rating is for discussions of physical boundaries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Third Law of Fluff [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956958</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>366</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The first thing I want to say is a HUGE thank you to all of you.  I first put this little fluff AU up to try to spread some serotonin to others in need, but holy shit...you guys!  The comments, the kudos, all of it has been a serotonin boost to me 10 times over.  Just know every time you click one of those buttons, somewhere out there in the void, some stranger is grinning ridiculously because of you.</p>
<p>Jon's asexuality will be front and center in this one; so I should probably put a few details about his limits here.  Jon in this does not do anything unclothed below the belt, but he is not intimacy-averse.  He has a relatively low libido, but even when not interested himself, he likes to see his partner pleased.  He will actively participate if he is reactive and it is indirect touching, both given and received.  They will talk in detail about this before anything happens.  Nothing physical will ever be sprung on you without them discussing it first.  There will be some smut in upcoming fics for this AU, but I intend to write them all so that the scenes themselves can be skipped if you prefer.  </p>
<p>I'm introducing some angst to this little fluff bubble, but let's be honest, Martin does his best work in comfort mode.  Chapter 1 will be all fluff with the sprinkling of angst.  Chapter 2 will have some very light smut, and Chapter 3 will contain all of the stuff that warrants the Mature rating.  It will mostly be discussion, but the only explicit action will happen off 'screen.'  </p>
<p>Sorry for the long note, just wanted to give a heads up since this one takes a bit of a turn from the previous 2.  I hope you all enjoy, and in case you need to hear this today, no one else in the world is a better 'you' than you and that is fucking amazing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jon did not have extensive experience when it came to dating, a fact he was sure would surprise absolutely no one.  At least, he considered it limited when compared to the amount of stories he’d been subjected to by his coworkers over the years.  He’d only been in two relationships: he and Georgie had made it almost a year and a half while he and Robert had imploded spectacularly within nine months.  Both had transitioned from friend (or acquaintance in Robert’s case) to significant other with very little courting; so Jon’s participation in actual <em> dates </em> was confined to the handful he’d had in the few years since he and Robert had ended things.  In general, he’d found them to be tedious, awkward, and nerve-wracking affairs.  Most had gone terribly, and even the couple that had gone passingly well had left him exhausted from the pressure of measuring every sentence and action for social acceptability (and still missing the mark more often than not).</p><p>He’d certainly never had one go like this.</p><p>Jon’s brow furrowed in confusion as he stared at the waiter.  What did he mean they were closing soon?  He and Martin had arrived early, and he came here often enough to know that they closed- he glanced down at his watch- in fifteen minutes apparently.</p><p>Somehow they’d been there over two hours.  A quick glance around the restaurant confirmed that it had emptied out without their (or at least his) noticing.  Martin asked for the check despite Jon’s protests.</p><p>“Absolutely not.  You paid for breakfast; it’s my turn.  Besides now if someone at the Institute says anything, you can tell them that <em> I </em> took <em> you </em> out for dinner.”</p><p>“But I ordered too much-”</p><p>“It was my idea.  Now hush.” Martin handed his card over, and the waiter disappeared to the back while another staff member began removing the array of dishes from their table.  </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jon suggested a small restaurant near his place that served food from several Middle Eastern regions.  Martin agreed enthusiastically, but he confessed to Jon after staring at the menu for a few minutes that he had very limited experience with it.  He’d always been too afraid to ask for descriptions of the dishes so he never knew what to order.  Jon started to tell him about a few of them when Martin closed his menu.</p>
  <p>“They all sound delicious.  Why don’t you order your favorites and then I can try them with you?”</p>
  <p>So they spent their evening sharing dishes with Jon telling Martin about how some of the foods varied between different areas or how his grandmother had made a few of them when he was growing up.  They quickly discovered that Martin loved the kibbeh and the dolmas, but he was not a fan of the bitter tang of the dandelion greens in the hindbeh.  The conversation wound its way through a little talk of work to some mild gossip about Tim and Sasha’s saga before circling back around to their topic from breakfast, poetry and literature.  Martin may not have studied it formally as Jon had, but he soon found that this meant Martin’s self-education had left him with unique takes on several classics that the traditionalists at Oxford never would have even considered.  As they talked, Jon found himself with a rather long mental list of books to revisit in light of Martin’s theories.  Jon steered him away from ending the meal with the more mainstream baklava and instead introduced him to qatayef.  He couldn’t help but laugh when he watched Martin’s expression shift into shocked delight as he bit into the first dumpling.</p>
</blockquote><p>The waiter returned with his card, and they both rose and shrugged into their coats in a shy silence with the two employees cleaning between them.  Jon reached the door first and held it open for Martin, who blushed and thanked him just as he had that morning.  Jon closed it behind him and turned to find Martin staring up at the sky.  A small gap in the clouds gave them a glimpse beyond.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Martin.  I didn’t mean to prattle on for so long.”</p><p>Martin’s head swung down towards him, and his eyes swept over Jon’s face with the same reverence he’d shown for the rare sight of stars in the night sky over London.  Several times tonight, the way that Martin looked at him had made his breath hitch and left him feeling dizzy.</p><p>“Don’t apologize.  I’ve had so much fun, and I can’t say that I’ve ever learned as much on a date.  It was wonderful.  Besides you listened to me go on just as much.”</p><p>Jon desperately wanted to kiss him again, but he was still a bit self-conscious of the eagerness he’d shown earlier.  So he settled for stepping closer and slipping his hand into Martin’s.</p><p>“If you’re up for it, there’s something nearby that I’d like to show you.”</p><p>Martin looked a bit dizzy himself, and he had to take a deep breath before smiling and squeezing Jon’s hand.  “Lead the way.”</p><p>They were quiet as they walked.  Jon was enjoying watching Martin peer into the windows of all the small shops that lined the street, and he caught the twitch of a smile at the corner of Martins’ lips when Jon’s thumb strayed up to brush against the bit of the soft jumper that was peaking out of his jacket sleeve.  It wasn’t the first time tonight that he’d been caught caressing it.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Jon got to the restaurant first and stood to greet Martin as he shrugged out of his coat.  He was distracted by the sight of Martin in a well-fitting grey jumper and tapered navy slacks, and he didn’t notice that he was leaning in to kiss him on the cheek until Martin was only inches away.  There was no stubble this time, and Martin’s cheek was soft when it brushed against his just before he pressed a light kiss to Jon’s skin.  It surprised a small ‘oh’ out of him, and his hand gripped Martin’s forearm to balance himself.  He leaned back and looked down at Jon a little confused.</p>
  <p>“Did I do that at the party?  That seemed familiar.”</p>
  <p>Jon nodded.  “Payment for heroic deeds, I believe.”</p>
  <p>Martin’s face brightened.  “That’s right!  You defended my honor.”  His cheeks flushed darker.  “Some of it’s still a bit blurry, but I did remember more this afternoon.  Maybe you can fill in some of the gaps.  Shall we sit?”</p>
  <p>Jon nodded again, but they continued to stand there anyway.  Martin smiled at him like somehow he was the adorable one here.  Jon felt a large hand settle over his, where he’d apparently been absentmindedly running his fingers over the jumper’s sleeve.</p>
  <p>“You’re going to have to let go of me then.”  There was that lightly teasing tone that had surprised Jon so much the night before.</p>
  <p>He jerked his hand back and blushed furiously.  “Sorry, it’s...it’s very soft.”</p>
  <p>Martin laughed as they sat down at the small table.  Jon felt his shoulders start to rise in defense, but there was nothing cruel about Martin’s laugh.  He forced himself to relax and return Martin’s smile.  “You know, Sasha was on video chat with me while I was figuring out what to wear, and the first thing she asked was if it was as soft as it looked.”</p>
  <p>Of course it was.  Of course Sasha had been observant enough to pick up on Jon’s particularity when it came to textures.</p>
  <p>“Is it silly that I had her, and Tim actually, help me decide on an outfit for tonight?”</p>
  <p>Jon grinned at him.  “You really think Georgie didn’t have a hand in this?  I’m sure she’d be happy to tell you all about her long suffering afternoon of sorting through my wardrobe to find- nine I think was the final count- outfits for me to dismiss, only for me to go back to her original selection.”</p>
  <p>Martin returned his grin.  “Well, Georgie has very good taste then.  You, uh, you look <em> really </em> good.”</p>
</blockquote><p>He was pulled back to the present when he felt Martin’s thumb brush over his knuckles.  He tilted his head up and was surprised to find Martin looking down at him as they walked.</p><p>“Where were you just now?”</p><p>Jon shifted closer so that their arms were now pressed together.  “Not far.  Just earlier tonight.  I was thinking that I’d need to thank Sasha for her outfit suggestion.”</p><p>Martin nudged gently against him.  “Who would have thought that soft jumpers would be your kryptonite?”</p><p>“Sasha apparently.”</p><p>Martin snorted, and the comfortable ease in his laughter spread warmth through Jon’s chest.  Just a few weeks ago, Martin had seemed afraid to even breathe in his presence.  Now he looked completely calm.  </p><p>“It’s just ahead,” he said as they neared a corner.  “It’s not much, but it’s actually why I suggested the restaurant.  It seemed like something you would enjoy, and honestly- well, it always makes me think of you.”</p><p>They cleared the final building, and across the street was a small park.  It was only a couple of blocks long, just a small patch of trees and lush grass stuck in the middle of the urban landscape.  It was a quaint place to spend a quiet few moments during the day, but at night, there were thousands of tiny lights strung between the limbs that cast the pathways that weaved through it in pale golden light.  A few other people, mostly couples, wandered along the paths or sat close on one of the small iron benches.</p><p>Martin had stopped short as soon as he caught sight of it.  “Jon...it’s <em> lovely </em>!  Did it really make you think of me?”</p><p>Jon took a moment to answer as he stared at the reflection of the lights in Martin’s eyes.  “I happened upon it first the day that I found out you wrote poetry; so you were literally my first thought when I saw it.  Though I’m sure it was something prickish about how enamored a poet like you would be with such an excessively romantic place.  You’d cross my mind any time I’d pass it on my way somewhere else, but then I recently started finding myself coming here on purpose.  Annoyed me to no end.”</p><p>Martin dragged his eyes away from the park to look down at him in confusion.</p><p>“I spent a good while ignoring my feelings for you, and then when I couldn’t do that anymore, I started desperately trying to find a way to get over them.  To forget about my silly crush on you.”  He felt Martin’s grip go slack with shock, and he tightened his in response.  “Even when I was somewhere like this, even when I came specifically to think about you, I always thought about <em> just </em> you, it was never <em> you with me </em>.  It never occurred to me that this-” he pulled their joined hands up to press the back of Martin’s palm to his chest- “was even a possibility, that you could ever consider me like this.  I assumed that even if you had ever been interested that I had killed it long ago.”</p><p>Martin tugged their hands towards him and bent to press a kiss to Jon’s knuckles.  “So you were annoyed because you were trying to get over a crush and instead-”</p><p>“Instead I kept ending up here just so that I could picture you stretched out in the grass or sitting on a bench writing a poem, and wondering who you’d write it about.”</p><p>Martin bit his lip and hastily looked both ways along the street before dragging Jon across the intersection.</p><p>“What are you doing?”  Jon was laughing as he practically had to run to keep up with his longer strides.</p><p>“I really want to kiss you, but I also really want to kiss you <em> over there </em>.”</p><p>He’d been trying to resist kissing Martin all night.  The thought that perhaps he had been struggling as well made his face flush, and he grinned as he stepped up onto the curb behind him.  “You know you could have done both, right?”</p><p>As soon as they were under the first boughs, Martin spun to face him, tugging him close.  “Yeah, but... <em> God </em>, Jon, just look at you in this light.”  He let go of Jon’s hand to reach up and cup his face between his palms.  Martin looked at him like he was something beautiful, something wonderful, and maybe in his eyes he was.  If Martin was seeing anything like what he was as he tilted his head back to look up into the taller man’s face.  The lights above glowed through the ginger curls, setting them ablaze in a brilliant orange that reminded him suddenly of the sunsets in Bournemouth when he was growing up.  He huffed in (somewhat) feigned exasperation.  “You’re a bad influence on me.  I think in poetry whenever I’m near you.”</p><p>Martin made a small, desperate noise and pulled him into a kiss.  There wasn’t any awkwardness this time.  Jon pressed against his chest, and Martin’s hand slid into his hair (which he’d worn down just for him).  He guided Jon into a slightly different angle and deepened the kiss, and Jon’s lips parted as soon as he felt the first tentative brush of Martin’s tongue.</p><p>They were both breathless when Martin broke away just far enough to whisper, “They’re all about you, Jon.  Even the ones that aren’t supposed to be; I still see you in between the lines.”</p><p>Jon shook his head slowly.  He looked down at Martin’s hand as he took it between both of his and let his fingers trace softly over the deep lines of his palm.  “I never thought I’d be someone that anyone would write poetry about, especially someone like you.”</p><p>Martin shifted his hand to link their fingers.  “You keep saying things like that.  Like I’m someone special.”</p><p>Jon stretched up to kiss him again briefly.  “Because you are.  You are one of the kindest, most selfless people I know.  You’re wickedly clever and funny.  And you had the patience to not give up on me like most people do before they understand me.”</p><p>Martin looked like he was at an utter loss for how to respond to that; so Jon decided to give him a chance to compose himself.  “Would you like to walk with me a bit?”</p><p>“Of course.”  That brought the smile back, and Jon left their fingers entwined as they headed further into the park.  Again he was content to just watch Martin, this time as his head tilted back to look up into the illuminated tree tops and smiled at the few people they passed.  A small gust of wind passed through, making the lights dance above them.  Jon shivered and smiled ruefully when Martin looked down at him in concern.  “I thought I’d be prepared this time, but I think it’s colder than it was supposed to be.”</p><p>Martin stepped closer so that Jon’s shoulder was pressed to his arm.  His lips turned down into a slight frown.  “Probably should call it a night soon.  It’s a bit too cold to stay out here long.”</p><p>They were both silent for a few moments before Jon said softly, “I’m not ready to say goodnight yet.”</p><p>“Me either,” Martin confessed, “but I don’t want you to-”</p><p>“My place isn’t far, and it would be warm.  If- if you wanted to come over again.”</p><p>He could tell that Martin was startled by the invitation.  He blushed and looked away before glancing at Jon through his lashes and smiling bashfully.  “I’d like that.”</p><p>Jon felt his stomach drop.  <em> Oh, no. </em></p><p>He’d done it out of order again.  How?  How had he <em> forgotten </em> to have The Talk with Martin?  He’d meant to bring it up at dinner, but he’d gotten so lost in their conversation that it had completely slipped his mind.  And now he’d invited Martin back to his flat.  His dating experience might be limited, but even he knew what that insinuated.  Martin’s reaction told him that he did too.</p><p>Now because he’d been so careless and distracted, instead of just having a normal conversation about it, he’d have to introduce the subject by disappointing Martin.</p><p>He was so deep in his panicked thoughts that he took another step before he realized Martin had stopped.  He was surprised when he looked up to see that they had still been walking and were now near the edge of the park.</p><p>“You can take it back, Jon.”  His voice was gentle, and he turned to see Martin still looking at him with worry creased into the lines around his eyes.  “Really, it’s fine.  I promise I won’t be upset if you’ve changed your mind.  You’ve gotten more tense with every step since you offered; so why don’t we just say goodnight here, under the lights.  There’s an Underground station about a block away; so I can head home from there.”</p><p>Jon squeezed his hand tightly.  “No, I want you to come over.  I really don’t want tonight to be over yet.  It’s just that I’ve managed to botch it all again.  I was supposed to talk to you about something before I- So there wouldn’t be a misunderstanding...So you wouldn’t get the wrong idea.”</p><p>“The only idea I have is that I want to spend more time with you somewhere that you won’t be freezing.  I didn’t have any expectations beyond that.  Really.  In fact,” he reached up with his free hand to rub at the back of his neck, “ I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I, uh, <em> don’t </em> on the first date...or well, it’s more when I feel comfortable that I know them well enough I guess rather than a certain number of dates.  So you haven’t messed up anything at all.”</p><p>“There’s something I need to tell you before you decide that.  Can we sit for a moment?”</p><p>Martin nodded and led them over to a nearby bench that was a good distance away from any of the other people.  Martin sat on the cold seat facing him.  He couldn’t bring himself to do the same.  He looked straight ahead into one of the small areas of darkness off the paths.  He took a deep breath and clenched his fists in his lap.  He dearly wanted to be holding Martin’s hand again, but he didn’t think he could stand it if he felt him start to pull away.  “I was worried about your assumptions, because I <em> don’t </em>...ever.  I’m asexual.”</p><p>There was just a momentary pause before Martin responded, “Okay.”  Jon had heard that word before in response to this same revelation, but it had been drawn out with confusion and once with a small, uncomfortable laugh like they thought he was trying to pull one over on them.  This time it just sounded like acceptance.  He cautiously looked over to Martin to find no shock or uncertainty.  If anything, he looked like he was waiting for more.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Yes.  I’m sorry, I don’t mean this to sound the way it’s going to come out, but is that all?  You had me a bit scared, but that’s not really all that big of a thing- Not that I’m saying it’s not important, because of course it is!”</p><p>“In my experience, it’s been quite a big deal,” Jon was surprised to hear the indignant tone of his voice, as if he was disappointed that Martin wasn’t more affected by this news.  “It was the cause of the demise of both my previous relationships.”</p><p>Martin scowled at him, looking offended.  “Even Georgie?  I know I only just met her, but honestly, I would have expected better.”</p><p>“No, please don’t judge her by that.  She didn’t leave me because of that; she left because I didn’t know I was asexual yet.  I tried to force myself to be what I thought I was supposed to be as her boyfriend, and I hated it.  Instead of talking to her about it when she pushed, I just got angry because I thought something was wrong with me.  I let it make me bitter, and I was not a very good person when she finally broke things off.”</p><p>He could see Martin’s fingers rubbing together restlessly, and he knew he was resisting reaching out for him.  Jon slipped his hand between the two larger ones and laced their fingers together.  Martin let out a small sigh of relief.  “I’m so sorry, Jon.  I’m glad she’s back in your life now though.”</p><p>Jon smiled.  “I ran into her a couple of years later at a coffee shop, and we ended up staying there all day.  I explained to her what I had figured out, and she forgave me for how much I’d hurt her.  Ever since then she’s been by my side.  She’s who I ran to when I left Robert.”</p><p>Martin’s hand flinched, squeezing his tightly for a moment.  “That one didn’t end well?”</p><p>This conversation was not going at all the way he had mapped it out in his head.  He certainly hadn’t intended to be sitting in this place with Martin talking about his awful ex.  He didn’t want to brush it off though.  Maybe if he knew, Martin would understand why he’d been so scared to tell him and why his nonchalance about it frightened him even more.</p><p>“Not at all.  It, um, started out wonderfully actually.  I didn’t know all of my limits yet, but I knew enough to talk with him about it before we started anything.  He told me he was fine with all of it, and for a few months, it seemed like he had meant it.  Then he started to push, just a little each time, just a step beyond what he knew I was comfortable with.  Never enough to make me question him, but after months of this, we were significantly past my comfort level.  One night...things went very badly.  Once I could talk again,” he heard Martin’s sharp inhale and felt the grip tighten more, “I confronted him about it.  We had a horrible fight, and he told me that he’d never accepted it.  That I just hadn’t tried hard enough.  That if I just let him, he c-could <em> fix </em>me.  I took all my things and that was the last time I saw him.”</p><p>He could feel that Martin was trembling, and when he looked up at him, he was shocked by the fury on the man’s face.  His voice was low and vehement when he spoke.  “He was wrong.  He was- How dare he?!  There is nothing about you that needs fixing!  You aren’t broken.  Everyone has different physical boundaries, and yours are exactly where they are supposed to be.  What an <em> absolute </em>-”  He cut off whatever insult he’d been about to utter with a growl of frustration.</p><p>Jon could hardly breathe; his chest was so full of affection for this wonderfully kind man sitting before him, raging on his behalf.  He lifted Martin’s hand and turned his face to his palm.  Martin went quiet as he pressed a kiss to a small scar hidden among the lines etched in his skin.</p><p>“Georgie doesn’t know, does she?  She wouldn’t joke about him like she did this morning if she did.”</p><p>Jon shook his head slightly, but didn’t move otherwise.  His lips brushed against Martin’s palm as he answered.  “She knows we had a bad breakup, but I never told her all of it.  I...I was ashamed that I had trusted him.  That I had let it go that far.”</p><p>“You shouldn’t be, Jon.  You told him what you were comfortable with, and he ignored you.  You trusted the person you were with, which is exactly what you are supposed to do.  He’s the one that betrayed you.  He’s the one that should be ashamed.”</p><p>Jon had no choice but to kiss him then.  Martin’s eyes blinked open slowly after he pulled away.  He smiled warmly at Jon, but he quite couldn’t let himself relax yet.  There was still the matter at hand.  “Which brings us back around to the original point of this conversation.  In no small part due to Robert, I am now very familiar with all of my boundaries.  I don’t want to ever risk something like that happening again, so I’ve made it a point to explicitly lay out what I am comfortable with and what will never happen at the beginning.  It’s, um, not gone very well obviously.  Out of the five dates I’ve been on since then, two ended after the conversation we are about to have, and a third might as well have.  She took time to think, and then very politely told me a few days later that it wasn’t something she believed she could give up.”</p><p>Martin scoffed quietly.  “And the other two?”</p><p>“Oh, both never got to this point.  One I barely made it through dinner before he took offense to some correction I made about a historical reference he got wrong.  The other...that was just a strange night all around.  We got on rather well actually, but I think we were a bit too much alike...in all the wrong ways.  We mutually agreed it wasn’t going anywhere, finished our drinks, and asked the waiter to have our dinners packed to go.  I shook his hand, and we both walked away.”  He looked down to where Martin’s thumb was brushing over the back of his hand.  “I mean...I get it; I really do.  It’s not exactly the best opener, and it is a lot to take in on a first date-”</p><p>“No, Jon.  It’s not too much for them to take.  It’s too much for you to have to give!  You shouldn’t have to bare your most intimate details when you are getting to know someone just to make sure they are going to stick around.”</p><p>“I think the fact that none of them have proves that it was necessary.”</p><p>“Well, not this time.  We can talk about it if you still want to- Although, I am going to insist that we go to yours before that.  Your nose is freezing!  But, truly, Jon, it isn’t necessary.  I already know what my answer will be.”</p><p>“But how can you know that, Martin?  When you don’t know where that line is...what you’ll be giving up.”</p><p>“I won’t be giving up anything.  You make it sound like being with you will be some sort of sacrifice.”</p><p>That word sent a sharp stab of pain through his chest.  “That’s exactly what he called it.”</p><p>“Well, I think we’ve more than established that he’s a lying prick; so you need to forget about what he said.”  Jon huffed out a small laugh as Martin tipped his chin up towards him again.  That sadness that Jon had seen lingering behind some of Martin’s smiles was there again, only now unguarded and heartbreaking.  “I’m alone, Jon.  I’m alone all the time.  The only exception  is when I’m at the Archives or the occasional pub night with Tim and Sasha.  Even then I still feel...separate.  I take intimacy very seriously, and I am not comfortable with casual encounters.  So sex hasn’t been a big part of my life, and I can tell you it has never made me feel anything like what you have tonight.  I’m not lonely for the first time in longer than I can remember.  That means more to me than anything physical ever could.  Getting to be with you would- It would be the opposite of a sacrifice...It would be everything. ”</p><p>Jon brushed his thumb across Martin’s cheek and left his hand there pressed to the soft skin.</p><p>“I don’t need you to lay it all out for me.  I don’t want you to have to talk about anything until you are ready, because I already know everything I need to.  I know that things like this-:” he nuzzled against Jon’s palm- “are okay, and I know that you like to kiss me-”</p><p>“I am a very big fan of kissing you.”</p><p>Martin smiled.  “The only other question I’d want to ask is how you feel about...more touching, like this but <em> more </em>?”</p><p>“Are you asking me if I like to cuddle?”</p><p>“Yes, although I was floundering around for a word that sounded slightly less ridiculous.”</p><p>“I would very desperately like to cuddle with you.”</p><p>The smile spread into a large grin.  “Good.”</p><p>“Are you sure, Martin?  Truly sure?”</p><p>“Yes, I am.  As far as I’m concerned, this line that you mentioned could be right there on the other side of snuggling, and I wouldn’t hesitate.  Anything beyond that, well, I, um, have managed to take care of that mostly on my own up to this point.”</p><p>Jon felt the skin under his hand heat up with the furious blush that had spread quickly over his face, making the freckles fade.  He finally let himself relax and smile back at Martin.  He arched an eyebrow teasingly.  “Snuggling?  I thought you were looking for a <em> less </em> ridiculous word than cuddling?”</p><p>“Oh, hush- mmph!” Jon surprised a small squeak out of him that deepened into something that sent a shiver through him when he pulled Martin down into a fierce kiss.  His hands tangled in the red curls, and he pulled himself closer on the bench until he could feel the press of the larger man’s chest against his.  He let out his own small moan when Martin’s tongue dipped into his mouth to roll languidly over his.</p><p>A voice nearby coughed loudly.  They both pulled back to see an older couple walking by on the path right in front of them.  The woman smacked her companion lightly on the arm.  “Oh, leave them be.  I remember plenty of nights you kissed me like that on these benches.”  The old man flushed, sputtering as they moved out of ear shot, and Jon buried his face against Martin’s jacket.</p><p>Martin, however, was laughing.  “That keeps happening to us.”</p><p>“Then perhaps we should go somewhere more private, where no one will feel the need to interfere while I continue to kiss you.”</p><p>Martin nodded, and Jon could feel the way his breath sped up in response.  “I’d like that very much.”</p><p>When Jon leaned back, he was biting his lip as he mulled over the idea that had just occurred to him.  Martin reached up to brush a finger lightly over the trapped lip.  “What are you thinking about?”</p><p>“Something a bit spontaneous and not thought out at all, so feel free to say no.  But it’s already a bit late, and I still want to talk with you for a long while...and I’d really like to have breakfast with you again tomorrow.  And now that I know this won’t be misinterpreted, would you perhaps want to stay the night again?  You wouldn’t have to sleep on my tiny couch this time unless you wanted.  It’s just...I really liked waking up and knowing you were there.”</p><p>He’d shocked Martin again, but he seemed to be adjusting to the sudden twists Jon threw at him.  “I liked seeing you this morning too...once I realized I wasn’t going to be fired.”</p><p>Jon laughed as they stood from the bench.  He linked his arm through Martin’s this time as they headed towards the edge of the park.</p><p>“And yeah...that sounds lovely.  Though if there’s a market that’s open before we get to your place, maybe we could stop?  I was thinking about cooking you breakfast this time.”</p><p>Jon had to kiss him again for that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jon was actually quite proud of himself.  He’d made it through the entire walk back to his flat, which had included a positively adorable trip through a small grocery where Martin had teased him relentlessly about his lack of basic kitchen staples.  He’d even stood right next to Martin in the small, private space of the elevator with no more contact than where they leaned slightly against each other.  So he thought he was more than justified when he pressed him back against the door as soon it closed behind them.  He stretched up onto his toes to kiss him slowly.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is so late!  I am sorry for how long this took.  I've had 3/4 of it done for weeks now, and those last couple of pages fought me on every single word.  Until today.  After weeks of spending 2+ hours staring at a document and maybe getting a paragraph out of the effort, today it all just came together.  I'd even gotten frustrated enough to skip it and start writing the next chapter (so some of that is already written).  So I'm putting it up here.  It has not been proofread nearly to the degree my other postings have been; so please excuse any mistakes.  There will likely be grammatical and wording edits made once I'm less furious with it and can spend the time on it I want, but I wanted to get it out there for the several people who have left me such AMAZING comments.  Thank you so, so much for letting me know that you are enjoying it!  </p><p>CW this time for a brief description of how Martin got his burn scar, more talk about Martin's mother and her illness, and the little bit of angst that necessarily goes along with that.  Individually, I'd rate this chapter T for some mild discussions of sexual topics and LOTS of kissing.  Can I also just put a complaint here that there are no other good words for kissing that don't sound ridiculous?  If you have any suggestions, drop them in the comments!  And as always, if you see something you think needs a CW that I missed, let me know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jon was actually quite proud of himself.  He’d made it through the entire walk back to his flat, which had included a positively adorable trip through a small grocery where Martin had teased him relentlessly about his lack of basic kitchen staples.  He’d even stood right next to Martin in the small, private space of the elevator with no more contact than where they leaned slightly against each other.  So he thought he was more than justified when he pressed him back against the door as soon it closed behind them.  He stretched up onto his toes to kiss him slowly.  Martin returned it with a low noise, but he broke it off after just a few seconds.</p><p>“Hold on,” he murmured against Jon’s lips.  Jon had to drop down onto his heels and actually lean back a bit as Martin bent towards him, lips still hovering just over his.  He heard two small thuds as Martin set the grocery bags on the ground.  Immediately, his arms wrapped around Jon’s waist, pulling them flush against each other and lifting Jon up as he straightened.  “That’s better.”</p><p>Jon’s hands curled in his hair as Martin leaned in again with an open-mouthed kiss and toe-curling slow swirls of his tongue around his own.  His head was swimming, and he was practically panting when they finally pulled back for air.  “<em> Christ </em>, you’re good at that!”  Jon could hear the rough, gravely tone in his own voice, and he felt a slight shiver go through Martin.  He got a dark blush for that remark.  He smiled at it and leaned in to give him another brief kiss.  When he pressed lightly against Martin’s chest, he was put down immediately.  “Perhaps we should put the food away before we get distracted.  Here, I’ll take your jacket.”</p><p>Martin smirked at him.  “Are you sure that you won’t get more distracted with full access to the jumper?”</p><p>Jon pursed his lips in a small pout that made Martin’s eyes light up.  “If it means I get to have you cook for me in the morning, I can behave myself for a little while.”  Martin unzipped his coat and slipped out of it.  Jon hung it by the door before shrugging out of his own and placing it next to the blue one.  Martin had picked up the bags when he turned back.</p><p>It was quick work putting away the breakfast supplies.  It wasn’t as if space was limited in the cabinets or refrigerator.  Jon laughed at Martin’s hesitation when he offered to make him a cup of tea.  “Would you like to use my kitchen to make tea, Martin?”  He stepped closer after he got a nod in response, curling his fingers around the sleeve of the jumper.  “Will you show me how you do it?”</p><p>“I don’t know.  If I show you my secrets, you won’t need me around anymore.  How do I know this all wasn’t just an elaborate scheme to learn how to make a proper cuppa so you can fire me without losing my one decent skill set?”</p><p>“Ah, you discovered my devious plan.  I guess I’ll be forced to keep you around now.  Good thing you’ve found other ways to make yourself useful.”  Martin’s eyebrows shot up at that.  “Oh!  Wait, I didn’t mean that like-”</p><p>“Well, keeping the boss happy is a very important job.”  Martin grinned as he leaned down to kiss him.  “I do hope I’m up for it.”</p><p>Jon arched an eyebrow, which made Martin laugh.  “Are you hoping for a performance review tonight?”</p><p>Martin was already pulling open cabinets looking for the supplies he’d need.  “I was thinking we might wait at least a full 24 hours after the first kiss before you pass judgement.  Seriously, Jon, why are your teabags in the cabinet furthest from the kettle?”</p><p>“Because it never occurred to me until you said it in that tone that they should be closer?”</p><p>Martin grabbed his hand and tugged him up to the counter so that he could watch.  “Just remember if you fire me as soon as you get what you want from me, I’ll be forced to turn Tim and Sasha loose on you.”</p><p>“Good lord, that’s a much worse threat than HR.  Guess I’ll have to figure out what to do with you once I’ve mastered tea-making and had my fill of intense cuddle-sessions.”</p><p>“Probably a good thing that I have a near endless supply of soft jumpers to keep you distracted then.”</p><p>“Damn Sasha and her keen observational skills.”  That got another laugh from Martin, but the banter died off as the kettle finished heating.  Martin’s tone turned more solemn as he began describing every step he was taking.  Somehow seeing Martin take his teaching duties so seriously was even more charming than the playful teasing had been, and Jon spent as much of the lesson watching Martin’s expression slowly slip into something serene as he did the actual process.</p><p>“It seems a bit like meditation for you,” Jon commented as Martin handed him the warm mug.</p><p>Martin was quiet for a moment as he followed Jon into the living room.  “I guess it is.  I know it all by heart, but I never like to zone out and risk getting it wrong.  So I concentrate on what my hands are doing instead of what my brain wants to fixate on.”</p><p>Even with each of them sitting with their backs to opposite arms of the tiny couch, they were still close enough that Martin’s knee was pressed to Jon’s shins where he had folded his legs under himself.  Martin’s arm was on the back of the couch, and Jon shifted his mug to his left hand to link their fingers together again.  “I know I said it this morning, but well, you did just mention it again.  I believe it was only a joke, but I want to make sure you know how untrue it is.  That moment in my office yesterday afternoon- when I practically ran you out- that was me being frustrated with myself because I thought perhaps I’d made you feel that making tea was all you were capable of.  I hope you know that isn’t true.  I...I was thinking a lot today about what you bring to the Archives.  And what it would be like without you.”  Jon took a sip of his tea (<em> perfect </em>) and squeezed Martin’s hand lightly.  “There’s a good chance that Elias will want to transfer you.”</p><p>“Oh!  I hadn’t thought about that.  So you do plan to tell him then?”</p><p>“I do.  As soon as possible on Monday.  Our departure from the party last night seems to have gotten the gossip mill churning, and there’s a good chance he’s already going to be calling me in for a meeting.  I’d like to get there before I’m summoned so that it doesn’t look like we are trying to hide anything.”</p><p>“So what are we going to do if he does want to move me?”</p><p>“Well, then my question is do you want to stay in the Archives?  Are you comfortable with the thought of me being your supervisor now?  If you aren’t, would you prefer that I ask to be the one that is transferred?”</p><p>“That was three questions, and the answers are very emphatically yes, yes, and absolutely not.  You’re not walking away from this promotion for me.  Just because Gertrude may have meant for it to be Sasha doesn’t mean you haven’t earned it too.  If he insists on transferring someone, it’s going to be me.  As long as it’s not working with those creepy artefacts in storage, I’m happy doing anything.”</p><p>“But you don’t want to leave the Archives?”</p><p>“Not if he doesn’t force me to.  I like the work we do, and I like seeing Tim and Sasha every day- and you on the days you’d let me see you.”</p><p>Jon chuckled.  “Well, I think we can safely assume that will change.  Alright, if you want to stay then I will make sure that happens.”</p><p>Martin eyed him skeptically.  “And how do you plan to do that?”</p><p>“Well, I might have <em> accidentally </em> overheard a conversation through Elias’s door the other day that led me to believe that a recent, rather large donation from a Ms. Montague to the Institute was earmarked specifically for Gertrude and the Archives, and she was very upset that it seemed Gertrude retired as soon as Elias got involved in the allocation of the funds.  He assured her that <em> his </em>-” Jon rolled his eyes- “new Archivist was putting the funds to good use and had gathered a top notch staff to have the Archives in order again very soon.  I’ll simply remind him that our illustrious donor might question his leadership abilities if she were to somehow be informed that he had tried to undermine the Head Archivist by making unwanted staffing changes to the department after his previous attempts ended so disastrously.”</p><p>Martin leaned forward to kiss his knuckles.  “You’d really threaten that just to keep me there?”</p><p>“Without hesitation.  Elias is a big boy; he can take a bit of challenge and be just fine.  While we’re on the subject of work though, we should probably talk about what’s going to happen in the Archives themselves.  I’m telling Elias because I have no intention of trying to hide this.  But I don’t want to give him any reason at all to fight it; so I’d prefer if we kept things strictly professional at work, at least when it comes to physical contact.  I have every intention of changing how I act towards you, but that has to do with a lot more than us being together.  As for Tim and Sasha…”  Jon took a deep breath.  “Tim is your best friend, right?”</p><p>Martin’s eyes widened in surprise for a moment as if he hadn’t ever really considered the question before.  “I guess- Yeah, I would say he is.”</p><p>Jon nodded.  “And we can definitely assume that anything Tim knows, Sasha will soon know whether he tells her or she simply figures it out.  I can’t say that I’m very excited about my assistants knowing a vast amount about my personal life, but it’s important to me that this doesn’t change your relationship with Tim.  I want you to have someone to talk to besides me or about me even, and you shouldn’t have to censor yourself with your friend just because of our jobs.”</p><p>“I don’t-” Martin paused, chewing at his lip as he searched for the words.  “I’m not great at opening up.  He’s the closest thing I have to a best friend, and I know he cares about me...But I still don’t tell him about personal things that much.  I’ve just always dealt with it on my own.  Plus I was too worried someone might find out about the lies I told to get the job if they got too close.”</p><p>“He doesn’t know?”</p><p>“No.  It took me a long time to figure out if I could trust him enough, and by the time I did, I was too embarrassed by how long I’d been lying to him.  I think Sasha may know though; it’s not like I did a great job on my cover story.  There’s no way she didn’t go snooping the first time she spotted a crack.  But she hasn’t directly brought it up if she does.”</p><p>“When you’re ready, I think you should tell them.  I’m almost certain they’d have the same reaction I did.  You don’t have to do all this alone anymore.  You don’t have to <em> be </em>alone, Martin.  You aren’t separate- they both care about you a great deal.  That was the only thing that was made more clear to me last night than that they both seem to like me for some inexplicable reason too.”  They hadn’t bothered with a lamp when they’d sat down; so Martin was illuminated only by the kitchen light still spilling through the doorway off to his side.  The angle was just right for Jon to see the glint of the moisture gathering along his lashes.  “I know I’d be lost without Georgie there by my side...So you should let him in, let him be there for you.  If there’s anything about us or me that I feel strongly about them not knowing, I’ll tell you.  Otherwise, you should be honest with him.”</p><p>Martin blinked away the tears that had started and nodded.  “I can try.  It’s...difficult.”</p><p>Jon leaned forward, disentangling their fingers to brush them along Martin’s cheek.  “Trust me, I know.  Um, you can tell him, if you’d like, about me being asexual.  Sasha knows already, but I trust information to stay with her more than I do Tim, simply because he can’t read her the way she can him.  She figured it out last night while we were talking about you and why I was so hesitant to even consider pursuing anything.”</p><p>“Thank you for deciding to take a chance with me.”  Martin tightened his grip on the back of the couch, pulling himself forward to kiss Jon gently.</p><p>“Once I let myself actually be around you, it didn’t take long to figure out you were decidedly worth the risk.  And that if you didn’t feel the same, you’d still be kind about it.”</p><p>“I do feel the same though...very much.”  This last part was whispered against Jon’s lips as Martin kissed him again.  He tried to guide Jon’s mouth open to deepen it, but Jon nudged him away, bending back a little over the couch arm.</p><p>“There is still tea, Martin.”</p><p>He grinned as he fell back against the other end of the seat.  “How rude of me.”</p><p>“I would think you of all people would understand that you don’t waste the perfect cup of tea.”</p><p>“Perfect is a little much-”</p><p>“Take the compliment.”</p><p>Martin’s mouth practically snapped shut, and he stared at Jon in disbelief for a moment before ducking his head.  “That means a lot.  From you.  Thank you.”</p><p>“You’re going to have to get used to compliments from me.  I plan on giving them much more often.  You deserved higher praise all along anyway.”</p><p>Martin nodded still without looking up at him.  He heard a soft huff of laughter.  “This still feels like a dream.”</p><p>“It really does.  I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and when I go to work have to pretend that none of this ever happened.  I’d never be able to hide it from you now.  Although if you ask Sasha, I wasn’t doing a very good job at concealing it anyway.”</p><p>“I certainly never noticed anything, but then again I’ve always been so nervous around you that it was hard to think about anything else.  First because I was so sure you were going to figure out that I’d lied about everything.  It terrified me that you saw me so well.”</p><p>Jon frowned.  “I don’t feel like I saw you at all.  There was so much of you that I missed.”</p><p>“I’ve been at the Institute for seven years, Jon.  You are the first person that paid enough attention to me to notice that I had no idea what I was doing.  I’ve spent a lot of time making myself into someone easy to overlook so that no one would even think about me long enough to ask questions...but you looked anyway.”</p><p>“Which only furthers my suspicion that, with notable exceptions, the place is staffed primarily with idiots, myself included.  You are damn near impossible to ignore.  At least for me.”</p><p>There was just enough light to see the blush that had started to spread across Martin’s cheeks.  “Then I was worried you’d see how I felt about you.  I still don’t know how you didn’t.  I thought when you started avoiding me it would get easier, but then I was so excited to see you each time that I was acting like a fool.  That’s definitely when Tim noticed.”</p><p>“How could I see your reaction when I was overthinking every single word and movement when I was near you?  God, I was so nervous each time I had to come out of my office!”</p><p>“I- I’m having trouble imagining you, the big intimidating boss, being nervous about talking to me.”</p><p>Jon let his head fall back as he laughed.  “Well, it was absolutely true.  Hell, I hid in a closet on Thursday just to avoid having to interact with you in the hall.”</p><p>“I’m sorry- You <em> what </em>?”</p><p>“I was lucky I didn’t see the spider in the corner until after you’d passed and gone into the office so you didn’t hear the entirely humiliating screech I made when I bolted out of there.  Sasha saw me of course and had to tease me about it when we were talking about you.”</p><p>Now Martin was laughing too.  “So on Thursday you were ducking into closets so you wouldn’t have to talk to me, and on Friday I was having a panic attack in the bathroom because I thought you knew about my crush.  Then Friday night I’m sleeping on your couch.  By Saturday we’re having our first date-”</p><p>“And you are spending the night <em> not </em> on my couch.”  Jon took a moment to appreciate how lovely Martin’s face looked when it was flushed with happiness before he teased, “At this rate, should we tell our friends to block off next weekend for the wedding?”</p><p>“I was planning on using next weekend to move all my stuff in.  Maybe the week after?”</p><p>“I was thinking we’d be house-hunting by then, but I suppose we could take this a bit slower.”  They both broke down in giggles then (something Jon hadn’t really expected himself to be capable of).  As they tapered off, he thought of Martin’s words.  “Wait, why did you think I knew how you felt?”</p><p>“I thought you’d heard Tim say it.”</p><p>“You mentioned something about that when we were outside last night.  You seemed to think I was walking away from that stranger that wouldn’t leave me alone because I was just trying to be nice to you due to what I’d heard-”</p><p>“I forgot about him!  You didn’t even know he was hitting on you.”</p><p>“It would never occur to me to walk up to someone I didn’t know at a bar and flirt with them.  I forget sometimes that others think that is perfectly normal.  But what in the world did Tim say that I supposedly overheard that would have given me the idea that you were interested in me?”</p><p>“It was when you were outside the breakroom.  He was teasing me about buying things for you.  When I pointed out that I bought things for him too, he said that it was because I...secretly had a crush on him and was trying to get him to notice me.”</p><p>“I remember that part.”  It didn’t seem like exactly what Tim had said, but he’d also been a bit distracted at the time so perhaps he was mistaken.</p><p>“Then he followed that up with ‘Oh no, wait, that’s Jon.’”</p><p>Jon had to chuckle.  “I never heard how that sentence ended.  Elias called out for me at the same time.  If Tim said my name too, I missed it completely.”</p><p>“You were just frozen in the hallway, staring at me.  I was so sure you knew.  I was actually a little relieved when it seemed like you were laying into me in your office, because either you hadn’t heard him or if you did and you were still acting the same, maybe it would be okay.  But then you-”</p><p>“Busted out of my office like a madman shouting apologies and thank you’s across the whole office,” Jon finished for him, hiding his face in his hands.  </p><p>“Exactly.”  Martin was laughing at him again, but he still didn’t feel like there was any malice in it.  It felt...fond, perhaps?</p><p>“Sasha had already spoken to me, and she told me to try just being nice to you to start with.  And I thought I was.  Somehow I’m so bad at talking to people that trying to say that you were capable of far more than just looking after me came out as chastisement.  I’m still not sure how I managed that.  I <em> might </em> have panicked a bit in light of that epic failure in communication.”  He gave Martin a smile (which was most definitely fond) and linked their fingers again.  “I can’t believe you were brave enough to even come in there when you thought I knew.  I would have been hiding- on another floor if possible, but you just stood there and listened to me bitch about Elias.”</p><p>Martin shrugged.  “I needed to know, and I stayed because you were distracted.  You’d, uh, talk to me sometimes when you were focused on something else or excited about a subject.  Occasionally you’d realize it and cut yourself off, but others I’d get to just listen to you go on about something you were interested in.  I really like talking with you.  That’s why I’ve had so much fun today.”</p><p>Jon’s brow furrowed as he stared at Martin, who squeezed his hand questioningly.  “I still don’t understand.  I have so many questions.  I think I’ll always be asking <em> why </em> you ever became interested in me, but for now, how about <em> when </em>?  When amongst my antagonism and disregard and awkwardness did you start to feel anything even remotely positive about me, much less affection?”</p><p>“I don’t think there’s one particular moment.  It kind of snuck up on me in small changes with each thing I noticed.  I mean, I was attracted to you from the start, but no, it definitely wasn’t more than that for a long time.  You were, um, prickly, let’s say.  But then I saw you through your office door one time when Sasha had just walked out.  Your expression went from cold to just kind of scared, and that’s when I realized that a lot of your bluster was to hide your anxiety from us.  It didn’t bother me nearly as much after that.  Then I overheard Elias in your office one day.  The tone he used with you...It was so condescending and domineering.  I hated the way he talked to you, but then I could see how much pressure he was putting on you.  And I realized how often you were the first to arrive and the last to leave and went all day without a break or lunch.  How tired you were all the time.  Which is why I started bringing you tea and lunch sometimes.  Usually you were busy and didn’t pay much attention to me, which was actually what I wanted.  If you noticed, you might make me stop doing it.  It was around then that I started catching myself thinking about you outside of work, worrying about you even when you weren’t right there in front of me.  Then one day you were deep into an internet dive about that creepy house that keeps popping up in the statements.  I tried to set the cup down and sneak out, but you just started talking to me.  For half an hour, you laid out everything you’d learned and tried to guess how they were connected.  I didn’t respond much, but when I did, you’d consider what I said and then counter it.  When you hit a wall, you went back to your computer, and I stood up to leave.  You blinked up at me like you were just realizing I was there, and it hit me how beautiful your eyes are.  Then you mumbled something that sounded like a thanks, and you blushed.  I knew right then I was in trouble, that it wasn’t just an attraction anymore.  After that I kept coming back, hoping it would happen again.  The cat kind of sealed it for me.  I’d never heard your voice sound like that…”</p><p>Martin’s eyes were unfocused as he stared off into the dark living room with a faint smile, but they snapped back to him when Jon set his empty cup down on the coffee table and shifted up onto his knees.  He was taller than Martin from this angle, and he looked up at Jon curiously as he took the other mug from his hand and stretched to set it on the end table behind him.  Jon leaned against him, letting his weight press Martin into the cushions behind him.  He kissed him thoroughly, methodically mapping his mouth and noting all the movements that made the large hands clutch at his back and brought out those small, lovely noises.  He didn’t pull away until he felt the tension ease in the shoulders he was gripping.  Martin’s chest was heaving as Jon sat back on his heels.  He didn’t return to the other end of the couch, instead settling against the cushion next to Martin and curling into his side.</p><p>Martin ran a hand slowly through the long strands of Jon’s hair.  “What was that for?” his voice was rougher than it had been a moment ago.  </p><p>“For somehow seeing all that when I had never even given you a reason to look.”  Jon reached over and pulled Martin’s other hand towards him.  He let his fingers trace over the soft material of the sleeve.</p><p>“What about you?  How did it change that much?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you when it started...I didn’t notice when it changed from annoyance that Elias had placed you without asking me to thinking about you all the time for other reasons.  But I can tell you when I realized that it had changed.  It was in document storage.”</p><p>“When you almost fell?”</p><p>Jon nodded as his hands shifted to skimming over the rough skin of Martin’s knuckles.  “That was the first time you’d touched me other than just lightly on the shoulder or elbow.  You had me against your chest with your arms around me, and- I knew you didn’t mean it like that, but something clicked.  I realized that there was a very obvious reason my heartbeat speeds up around you and I am always aware of exactly where you are if we’re in the same room.”</p><p>“God, I thought you were so mad at me!  You made this noise, and then you were gone.  You started avoiding me after that…”</p><p>The corner of Jon’s mouth twisted into a bitter smirk.  “I was so scared of how I felt about you.  Once I looked at them full on, I realized just how <em> big </em> the feelings had gotten without me even noticing, and I didn’t want them.  Because it was hopeless...I’d driven off the first person who’d made me feel something I genuinely never expected to have again.  I was terrified that you’d find out, and either you’d laugh at the irony of me caring for someone I’d purposefully been so awful to or you’d be uncomfortable and I’d make it worse for you than I already had.”</p><p>The hand slid out of his hair as he settled his arm around Jon’s shoulders, pulling him closer.  Jon let himself revel for a moment in how perfectly he fit into the space next to Martin.  He settled into the spot deeper and rested his head on the warm shoulder holding him close.  The pad of his finger scratched against a rough spot, and Martin couldn’t quite hide his small wince.  Jon looked down to see that his hands had now made their way to the raw skin and torn nails he’d noticed before.  He tilted his head back and reached up to run a finger lightly over Martin’s bottom lip; he could see several places where the skin had broken and was just beginning to knit back together.</p><p>“Martin, is something wrong?  Your hands didn’t look like this before, and you’ve been chewing at your lip too.  I don’t think you’ve been sleeping well either.”</p><p>He was already shaking his head, smiling too widely, and stuttering out meaningless words assuring that he was fine, but when his eyes met Jon’s, his voice trailed off.  Jon watched as the layers of denial and protection fell away, leaving just Martin, tired and sad and looking so much smaller than he had a moment ago.  He sighed heavily and squeezed Jon’s shoulder where his hand was resting.  “Yes...there’s a lot going on actually, but it’s all dealing with my mum.  I’m- I’m not ready to talk about that yet, if that’s okay.”</p><p>“Of course it is.”  Jon stretched up to kiss his cheek.  “I’m here when you are though, okay?  Or Tim, if you’d rather.  I won’t be upset if there are things you’d prefer to talk about with him.  And if there’s anything I can do in the meantime-”</p><p>“You already are.”  Martin pressed his forehead to Jon’s.  “These last two nights have been some of the best I’ve had in months...probably ever actually.”</p><p>“They certainly top my list as well.”  He remembered something else that had caught his attention the night before.  He pushed Martin’s sleeve up to his elbow and began tracing all the small scars that were etched into his forearm.  “Where did these come from?”</p><p>“I did a lot of odd jobs when I was young to try to help Mum out with the bills.  Yardwork mostly, but also the occasional clearing out attics or sheds, cleaning, stuff like that.  I daydreamed a lot then; so I wasn’t usually paying enough attention to avoid the brambles and old nails.”</p><p>Jon hummed and moved on to his actual goal.  The burn scar was firmer than the soft skin of Martin’s inner arm yet somehow smoother.  “And this one?”</p><p>“I got a real job as soon as I could pass for being old enough, but as mom got sicker, summers weren’t enough anymore.  We lived in a small town outside of Manchester, and by that time almost everyone had caught on to my real age and wouldn’t hire me.  So I got a job at an all-night diner in the next city.  I’d get out of school, cook dinner for Mum, do what homework I could or sleep, and then hop on the bus to work till four in the morning in the kitchen.  I’d nap at the bus station and on the ride back at 5:00, make breakfast, and then back to school.”</p><p>“That’s...How old were you?”</p><p>“I did it for about a year and a half, but I was seventeen when this happened.”</p><p>“And you got it at the diner?”</p><p>Martin laughed weakly, and Jon noted that there was nothing casual or easy in the sound.  “No, that one I got at home.  I had just gotten off a shift, and I was making breakfast.  I must have fallen asleep standing there.  I blinked, and the bacon was burning.  I snatched the pan off the burner, and the grease splashed on me and the stove.  It caught fire, and I had to put that out first.  Burned pretty badly before I could get it off myself.”</p><p>“<em>Jesus</em>, Martin.  That’s awful.  Thank God it wasn’t worse.”</p><p>“Yeah, it took some scrubbing, but I got the burn marks off the stove.  And I had to repaint the kitchen-”</p><p>Jon grabbed Martin’s chin to stop him.  “I meant the burn.  I meant <em> to you</em>, silly.  Kitchens can be fixed, but you are far more important.  I’m sure your mother was worried sick when she saw your arm.”</p><p>Martin looked away guiltily.  “She didn’t...I never showed it to her.  I knew she’d insist on taking me to A&amp;E and that money needed to go to other things.  So I treated it myself, which is probably why it scarred so badly.”</p><p>Jon didn’t know how to respond to that.  Martin’s eyes shifted to settle on the old scar as Jon’s fingers still unconsciously traced the warped edges of it.  </p><p>“That was the day I quit school.  I was too tired, and something had to give.  Mum shouldn’t have even still been trying to work at that point.  So the choice was obvious.  I’d work full time and have evenings free to pick up extra work where I could, and she’d get the rest she needed.  I was already failing most of my classes at that point; so it’s not like it was that big of a deal.”</p><p>“Yes it was.”  Martin tilted his head to look down at Jon.  “That was a huge sacrifice, Martin, and you did it without anyone pushing you.  And the only reason you were failing was because you were already doing more than should be asked of anyone, least of all a child.”</p><p>“There wasn’t anybody else to do it.  My nan passed when I was fourteen; so it was just me and Mum for all that time.  When she couldn’t do it anymore, it was my responsibility to pick it up.”  He sounded so resolute, unquestioning in a situation when almost anyone else would be filled with bitter spite at the loss of choice.  He smiled a bit shyly and glanced away from Jon.  “Sorry, um, didn’t mean to be such a downer.  Guess that’s not a great subject for-”</p><p>“Martin, you have nothing to apologize for.  I asked because I want to know everything I can about you.  Not just the good stuff.  All of it.  I like you...a lot, actually, but I’m still trying to understand you.  I can’t do that if you only tell me things that you think I want to hear.”</p><p>Martin took a deep, steadying breath and nodded.  “Okay...you may need to tell me that a few more times.  I’m not very good at sharing the bits that might make other people uncomfortable.  I’m not used to someone wanting to know them...to know me.  And the same goes for you too!  I want to know you better.”</p><p>Jon smirked.  “I wonder if I should be worried that I’m <em> not </em> worried about jumping into this with someone I don’t know much about?”  He hesitated as something occurred to him.  “Wait, we never actually said that part, did we?  We’ve both been talking like it’s decided, but are we?  Together, I mean- or would you rather it be just ‘dating’?”</p><p>“I’m not sure I know what the difference is.”</p><p>“To me...exclusivity, I guess.  I have no intention of seeing someone else, but say somebody hits on you the next time you are out with Tim.  Would you feel obligated to tell them ‘no’ because of your relationship with me or would you consider it?”</p><p>“The first one definitely.  Why would I want to be with anyone else when I have you?  Unless you-”</p><p>Jon cut him off a little too eagerly, heart fluttering in his chest from Martin’s words.  “No, I’m very happy with that.  With, um, <em> us </em>.”  He felt the jolt go through Martin when he said it.  “Yeah that’s a lot, but...I really like the sound of it.”  He curled back into Martin’s shoulder, pressing his face into the crook of his neck.  He was so lost in the faint smell of his own sandalwood soap that still lingered on Martin from his shower that morning that he almost missed the breathless whisper.</p><p>“Me too.”  Martin’s hand shifted to run through his hair again.  They were quiet for a few moments, both content to enjoy the nearness of the other.</p><p>“It is strange though.  How <em> right </em> this feels already.  It should- <em> I </em> should still be awkward and hesitant, but I’m not.  I don’t usually handle change particularly well, but this feels more like ‘fixing’ than ‘changing’.”</p><p>He felt Martin hum his agreement where his nose dug into the soft skin of his throat.  “Sasha said something to me today that I didn’t really understand at the time, but I think I do now.”</p><p>“Uh-oh, more sage wisdom from the ever-observant Sasha.  What insight into my soul and weaknesses did she offer up this time?”</p><p>Martin chuckled.  “Not just you, both of us.  She told me that she suspected that if we’d both get out of our own way, we’d just sort of fall into each other.”</p><p>Jon huffed out a breath, and Martin shivered as it ghosted over his skin.  “That is what this feels like.”  <em> Falling. </em>  The word made his chest feel tight, but no- even with their headlong rush into this, it was still far too early to throw around words like that.  “My life has been chaos since we came to the Archives- since you came into it.  This feels like things finally falling into place.”</p><p>Martin leaned down to press a kiss against the top of Jon’s head before settling back into the cushions.  After a moment, Jon could feel the shift in the jaw against his forehead, but he didn’t place it as a grin at first.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You don’t even realize you’re doing it, do you?”</p><p>“Doing what?”</p><p>“It seems that soft jumpers aren’t your only weakness.”</p><p>Until that moment, Jon had been utterly unaware of his hands.  While he was focused elsewhere, they’d apparently taken it upon themselves to keep exploring.  Both hands had worked their way under the cuff of Martin’s sweater, and his fingers were now tracing the outlines of the muscles hidden under the soft skin of his upper arms.  He pulled away quickly.  “Sorry!”</p><p>Martin caught his wrist faster than he would have thought possible.  “I didn’t say you had to stop.  I was enjoying it.  I just think it’s adorable that you didn’t know you were doing it.”</p><p>Jon blushed.  “The fact that you can find anything about me ‘adorable’ speaks volumes about your patience and tolerance.”</p><p>Martin leaned in to kiss his warm cheek.  “You are not nearly as surly and unbearable as you think you are.  Tim and Sasha find lots of things adorable about you too.”</p><p>“Unacceptable.  You’re all fired.  Can’t have the news that I’m not a complete bastard getting out.”</p><p>“Bit late for that after that performance last night,” Martin chuckled as he kissed him on the lips this time.  He pulled away again too soon, and Jon caught the way his green eyes lit up as he leaned forward a bit to chase his mouth as it retreated.</p><p>He huffed.  “Bastards are fully capable of being good singers, Martin.  It proves nothing.”</p><p>“I wasn’t talking about that one.  I meant the bar brawl you almost started with a coworker defending the honor of one of your employees.  Tim says that is heating up the gossip lines almost as much as us sharing a cab at the end of the night.”</p><p>Jon groaned and let his head fall back against the arm slung around his shoulders.  “Fantastic.  Sounds like Monday is going to involve several meetings to mitigate the damage.”</p><p>“I’d say that I was sorry, but given that we wouldn’t be here now without the past 24 hours…”</p><p>“Oh, no, it was definitely worth it, but still not looking forward to it.”</p><p>“Maybe I can find some way to make it up to you.”  Martin grinned at him.</p><p>“Hmm, I’m sure we could think of something.”  Jon ducked his head to press an open-mouthed kiss against Martin’s throat and felt the hand on his shoulder slide down to clutch at his lower back.  He could feel Martin’s pulse jump when he let his tongue brush against the skin with the second kiss.  His hand slid up the soft jumper, but almost immediately delved back under it at the neckline, tracing the clavicle where he could reach.  He sat back with a small frustrated noise, and Martin had to blink a few times to bring his eyes back into focus. </p><p>“Could we take this off?”  He tugged gently at the woven material.</p><p>“Umm, sure?  I do have an undershirt on though.”</p><p>“That’s fine.  As pleasant as the jumper is, I’d rather be able to feel you.”  </p><p>His expression was a little disbelieving, but Martin still reached for the hem of the garment.  Jon shifted away from him so that he could lift it over his head.  Immediately Jon’s hands were running along his freckled upper arms.  Martin chuckled and let his own hands settle on Jon’s waist.  “Better?”</p><p>“Much.”  Jon leaned forward to kiss him again, but with the angle of where he was sitting he had to brace one hand on the back of the couch to support himself, which halved his chances of touching Martin’s skin.  He quickly deemed this unacceptable.  The solution was readily apparent, but he certainly wasn’t moving without permission.  ”Although, I’d very much like to have both hands free, which means I couldn’t kiss you from here.  Would it be okay if I sat…”</p><p>The two spots of color high on Martin’s cheeks that had risen when Jon leaned over him to kiss him disappeared as his whole face went crimson as Jon glanced at his lap.</p><p>“I don’t have to-”</p><p>“No,” Martin cut in.  “It’s fine.  It’s just, umm…”</p><p>Jon leaned in again, but before he kissed him, he grinned against his lips and whispered, “It’s okay if you get hard, Martin.”  He didn’t get to finish the kiss though as Martin pulled away sputtering.</p><p>“<em> Christ </em>, Jon!”  He had to laugh at the way his voice cracked into a higher octave.  “You get that you absolutely wreck my brain with things like that, right?”</p><p>Jon took the moment of distraction to shift quickly into his lap.  Martin froze and stared up at him wide-eyed.  He’d said ‘yes’, but still Jon waited to touch him further until Martin started breathing and his hands found Jon’s waist again.  “Unfortunately for you, last night when Tim found the picture of me on stage, you made the mistake of showing me how adorable you are when speechless.  So yes, ‘wrecking your brain’ is rather the point, actually.”</p><p>Martin laughed weakly as he hid his face against Jon’s chest.  “Bringing up that photo while you’re in my lap is just fighting dirty.”</p><p>“I did try to tell you that I was a bastard.”  Jon buried his nose in Martin’s curls and revelled in how they smelled of his shampoo.  “Though while we are on the subject of erections and such-” Martin let out an indignant noise muffled by his shirt that made Jon smile- “it truly doesn’t bother me if you do get aroused, but please don’t be offended if I don’t...It doesn’t happen all that often for me.  It certainly doesn’t mean that I’m not-”</p><p>Jon had to pull back as Martin suddenly tilted his head up to look at him.  “You don’t have to worry about me thinking you aren’t enjoying this.  You’re very vocal.”</p><p>Oh, he looked entirely too satisfied with himself when Jon couldn’t stop the blush that blazed across his cheeks.  He’d been paying so much attention to pulling noises from Martin that he hadn’t even noticed his own.</p><p>“Now who looks adorably flustered?”</p><p>“Oh, shut-” This time it was Martin who silenced him with a kiss.  Jon returned it eagerly, letting his hands return to their exploration of any bit of exposed skin he could reach.  Martin’s teeth nipped at Jon’s lower lip, and he moaned as he practically melted against the large chest under him.  Immediately, he realized what he’d done and broke off the kiss to bury his face in Martin’s neck.  </p><p>Martin chuckled and whispered in Jon’s ear.  “Don’t be embarrassed; I like it.  A lot.”</p><p>Jon sat back to look down at him, eyes sweeping over Martin.  His cheeks were still flushed, lips swollen from their kisses.  The bright green eyes with pupils blown wide in the dark room peered up at him with a matching intensity.  Martin reached up to brush his palm along Jon’s jaw before slipping it into his hair.  The kiss he pulled him down into this time was slow and breathtaking.  For a long time Martin was all there was filling Jon’s consciousness: the chapped lips on his or trailing down his throat, the large hands gripping his hips or splayed across his back, and the feel of the muscles under his own slim fingers.  At first he was self-conscious of every noise he made, but he lost track rather quickly as the higher pitched moans mingled with his own.  Jon could feel that Martin was certainly not unaffected by their activities, but despite the heat behind his touches, nothing felt rushed.  Martin kissed him like there was no other goal than to simply be here with him now.  This wasn’t something just to get through until they could move on to the actual point of all this.  It was a new feeling, and one that made his hands tremble a bit as he let them slide down from where they’d been caressing Martin’s neck to lay flat on his broad chest.  He felt the breath stutter under his palms as his finger brushed against the hard nub of his nipple through the undershirt.</p><p><em> Interesting </em>.</p><p>He brought his hand back up; this time letting his palm run firmly over the same spot.  Immediately, he felt the grip on his hip tighten, tugging him forward slightly, and there was certainly no doubt now that Martin was enjoying this.  Jon paused a moment, enjoying the sound of the muffled moan against his throat, before capturing the opposite nipple between his thumb and finger and rolling it gently.  Martin gasped and arched up into the touch.  A second later he was pushing Jon away and leaning back into the cushion behind him.  He was panting, but he didn’t look upset.</p><p>“Was that good or bad?”</p><p>“G-good, definitely good, but maybe a bit <em> too </em> good for tonight.”</p><p>Jon grinned at him.  “I will definitely have to keep that in mind then.  For another night.”</p><p>Martin smiled at him bashfully and leaned into the palm that Jon placed on his cheek.  “Sorry-”</p><p>“Don’t,” Jon cut him off.  “You don’t need to apologize, especially not after how amazing you were earlier about my boundaries.  Honestly it’s a bit refreshing to bump into someone else’s limits before mine for once.”</p><p>Martin blushed and ducked his head.  Jon leaned in to kiss his cheek before tipping his chin up to press another one to his forehead.  Martin sighed and relaxed into the touch.  His hands fell from where he’d been pushing on Jon’s chest to settle on his thighs.  He tried not to react, but of course it was Martin, who noticed the moment he showed any discomfort.  He snatched his hands away and immediately started stammering out more apologies.  Jon caught his wrists, and Martin went silent as he pulled them close to his chest. </p><p>“It’s alright.  Some places I can handle being touched if I know it’s coming.  That’s one of them.  But here-” he shifted his grip to guide Martin’s hands down to the outside of his thighs before sliding them up to his hips where they had been earlier- “and here are better.  And anywhere above my waist is fine.”  Martin nodded, but when Jon kissed him again, he could feel that he was holding back now.  He wasn’t sure if it was because Martin was afraid of accidentally pushing past Jon’s limits or if he was getting a bit too close to his own.  Either way it was perhaps time to take a step back.  He braced himself on Martin’s shoulders and shifted on his lap, putting a bit of distance between their bodies.  “I realize that with anyone else this would sound like an escalation, but how about we head to bed?  I’d like to talk some more if you’re up for it.”</p><p>“I’d like that.”</p><p>Jon couldn’t resist one last kiss as he stretched forward to grab the cup off the table behind Martin.  He stood and retrieved his own from the coffee table.  “If you want to go first, I’ll take these to the kitchen and then grab my pajamas.  I don’t have an extra toothbrush, but the mouthwash is still on the counter from this morning.”</p><p>“I, uh, don’t have anything to sleep in.  Would you be okay if I’m in my undershirt and boxers?”</p><p>Jon grinned.  “It’s more than you were wearing last night so I don’t see why not.”</p><p>“Please don’t remind me,” Martin said with a groan.  He stood up as well and caught Jon around the waist before he could step away, pulling him close instead.  “But last night I wasn’t lying right next to you.  Are you sure you don’t want me to sleep out here again?”</p><p>“Absolutely not.  I need to see just what the snoring situation is before I commit any further to this.”</p><p>“Oh, so this will be the deciding factor, huh?”</p><p>“Afraid so.  It definitely won’t come down to my frequent bouts of insomnia or how much I fidget when I can’t fall asleep or that I tend to starfish in the bed when I do manage it.  Those are all perfectly acceptable traits.”</p><p>“Hmm, maybe <em> I </em> need to rethink this.”</p><p>“Oh, you most definitely should be.  Anyone logical would be fleeing from me at top speed.”</p><p>“Well, it seems all my ‘highly illogical’ traits you’ve complained about before are working to your benefit now.”</p><p>Jon had a mug in each hand so he couldn’t pull Martin down to him, but he was thrilled that the taller man understood his request and leaned down to kiss him when Jon stretched up onto his toes.  “Yes, well, the majority of things about you that used to fluster me are quickly becoming irresistibly endearing.”</p><p>“So flustered for a whole new reason?”</p><p>“Indeed.”  Jon stepped away, and Martin released him.  “Go on.  I’ll be right in.”</p><p>He set the mugs in the sink and then just stared at the unusual presence of the second cup for a moment.  Martin was not just in his home again, but he’d be sleeping next to him tonight.  He’d be waking up next to him in the morning.  Martin <em> liked </em> him...possibly even as much as he liked Martin.  The thought made him terrified and giddy at the same time.  He took a minute to steady himself and headed down the hall to the bedroom.</p><p>He’d just gathered up his pajamas from the bed (the same ones Martin had seen him in that morning) when the bathroom door opened.  There wasn’t quite as much skin on display as there had been the night before, but sober-Martin seemed far more self-conscious about what was showing that drunk-Martin would have been.  His cheeks were bright red, and he was again rubbing the back of his neck.  Jon stepped over to him and squeezed his hand.  “Take whichever side you’d like; I’m not particular.  I’ll be right back.”</p><p>Martin nodded and stepped towards the bed as Jon closed the door behind him.  He went through his nightly routine quickly, changing before brushing his teeth and pulling his hair up into a haphazard bun.  He took a deep breath before opening the door.  Martin was under the covers now on the far side of his bed, lit softly by the light on what would from now on be Jon’s side.  It happened just that quickly.  Jon’s brain was already rearranging his concepts of his surroundings to fit Martin into them neatly.  </p><p>Martin held up the blanket for him as he slid into the bed, and something in the moment made Jon’s breath catch.  Instead of curling up against Martin’s side as he’d planned, he pressed him back into the mattress with a firm kiss.  Almost immediately the large arms were around him again, pulling him further onto his chest, and Martin kissed him back eagerly.  It took several moments for Jon to pull away.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get us started again, but...it would seem that I <em> really </em> like the sight of you in my bed.”</p><p>Martin tucked a few stray hairs behind his ear and turned them both so that they were on their sides facing each other.  “And turns out I really like being kissed in your bed.”</p><p>“I think we can certainly arrange for that to be a regular occurrence then.”  Jon indulged himself and raised his hand to run his fingers through the soft ginger curls spread on the pillow across from him.  “We talked a lot about you earlier.  Is there anything you’d like to know about me?”</p><p>“Everything.  But maybe we could start-” Martin’s eyes shifted to focus on something behind Jon’s shoulder- “with you telling me about the books you are reading and why in the world there are four of them on your nightstand?”  He squinted for a moment before his eyes widened and snapped back to Jon’s face.  “Is that a romance novel on the bottom of the stack?!”</p><p>
  <em> Shit. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Also, my previous Beta reader is taking a bit of a hiatus.  If anyone has any interest in beta'ing, please let me know.  I'm happy to offer my own proofreading services in return! (And I promise I do better on work I haven't written.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They had talked late into the night.  Jon shouldn’t have been surprised after how well dinner had gone, but he had still found himself awed by how easily he opened up to Martin, a man he’d avoided speaking to any more than absolutely necessary since they’d met.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't know about y'all, but I am in dire need of some fluff after what we witnessed yesterday.  (I'm American if that wasn't painfully obvious by my poorly executed attempts at British slang.)  So I finished the fluffy smut part just in time for us to wallow in it and pretend we aren't all so ridiculously touch-starved after months of social distancing.  Holy shit do I miss hugs.  The chapter count changed because this last bit came out a bit longer than expected.  BUT the good news is that it is all done, so the final chapter will be up this weekend.</p><p>So, so many thanks to gaslightgallows and neontearsjpg for volunteering to Beta!  If you notice that my eternal struggle with the comma is better in the 2nd half of this fic, it is all because of them.  As well as just better in general thanks to all their wonderful suggestions!</p><p>CWs for this one: brief mention of the deaths of Jon's parents, small instance of body/weight insecurity, discussion of sexual boundaries, and some dirty talk and smut (heavy making out essentially, but the only truly sexually explicit thing happens 'off screen').</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had talked late into the night.  Jon shouldn’t have been surprised after how well dinner had gone, but he had still found himself awed by how easily he opened up to Martin, a man he’d avoided speaking to any more than absolutely necessary since they’d met.  Well, at least consciously he had.  Apparently, his traitor brain had chosen his moments of distraction to info-dump on Martin occasionally.  Most people would have been annoyed, but Martin had sought it out.  Even after hours of conversation already that night, he had still seemed thrilled to hear Jon’s opinions on any subject they happened upon in their conversation’s meandering path.</p><p>After Martin had finished giggling at Jon’s adamant excuses as to why reading romance novels was a perfectly acceptable way of emptying one’s brain of any complex thoughts before bed, they’d discussed how each book had been chosen to cater to whichever mood Jon found himself in that night.  A biography for normal nights (which had become far less common since his promotion), a classic novel for when he needed something comfortingly familiar, a thick tome on some new subject for when he needed to redirect his mind from whatever it was obsessing over, and &lt;<em>sigh</em>&gt; yes, a romance novel for when he needed to stop his brain altogether if he hoped to get any sleep at all.  The stack currently consisted of a book about Marie Curie, Austen’s <em> Persuasion </em>, an in-depth discussion of the relationship of time and gravity in regards to wormholes, and something he hadn’t even bothered to learn the title of about Scottish Highlanders and, ridiculously, the Fae, with appropriate amounts of heroics and bodice-ripping.  He had accidentally let slip that this was the third book in the series he’d read and instantly regretted it when Martin had to hide his face in the pillow to quiet his laughter.  </p><p>Once he’d finally gotten himself under control again, he’d commented on Jon’s copy of <em> Persuasion </em> and how it looked like it had been read many times.  Jon had explained that all of the Austens in his collection had been his mother’s, which had led to a short discussion of his parents and what little he knew about them personally before they’d died.  Martin had apologized for unknowingly bringing up the subject, of course, but Jon assured him it was fine.  He’d been too young to have any real memories of them, so he couldn’t miss them, just occasionally the vague notion of what they could have been.  They’d talked about his grandmother and her perfectly adequate, if somewhat cold, method of child-rearing.  In his opinion, Martin could have acted a bit more surprised by the revelation that he had been a troublesome, precocious child.</p><p>Eventually, the conversation had become heavily punctuated by yawns from them both.  Jon leaned in to surprise Martin with a kiss when his eyes were still closed after a particularly large yawn.  He hummed in appreciation and pulled Jon in closer.  It was only broken off when Jon was overcome by the requisite answering yawn.  “I think that is our cue to turn out the lights.  Are you a cuddler or prefer space when you sleep?”</p><p>Martin shrugged.  “It’s been so long since I shared a bed with anyone so I’m not really sure, but cuddling sounds nice.”</p><p>Jon returned his grin.  “Big spoon or little spoon?”  He was surprised when Martin’s cheeks instantly went crimson.</p><p>“I, uh, feel like that should be obvious, but...maybe big spoon is, um, not <em> appropriate </em> for me right now.”</p><p>“Oh, really?” Jon arched an eyebrow at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry!  But it’s been a really long time since I’ve been with, well, <em> anyone </em> , and we spent half the night making out, and then you were kissing me <em> in bed </em> , and just the fact that I’m in <em> your bed </em> at all-”</p><p>“Martin, shush,” Jon silenced him by taking his face between his hands.  After another short kiss, he tipped his chin up so that his nose bumped against Martin’s, and he watched it scrunch up adorably in response.  “I’m happy to take on temporary big spoon duties.”</p><p>Jon stretched back to switch off the lamp, and then it didn’t take them long to get settled.  Jon pressed his nose against Martin’s neck, just below the soft curls, and kissed the skin lightly.  Martin shivered a little and pulled Jon’s arm tighter around his chest, linking their fingers together.  </p><p>After a few moments of silence, Martin whispered, “For someone so little, you’re an awfully comfy big spoon.”</p><p>Jon could hear the teasing grin in his tone, and he jabbed him playfully in the sternum.  “I can roll over, you know.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare.”</p><p>Jon didn’t remember falling asleep after that, but he must have drifted off quickly.  He had slept hard too, enough so that he hadn’t woken up at all when they had both shifted in the night.  Now, with morning light sneaking in through the slight gap in the curtains, he found himself sprawled out on his back with a very heavy and still very much asleep Martin half on top of him.  The weight wasn’t a problem; he actually found that he liked the way it pressed him into the mattress.  The issue was that his bladder was rather desperately pleading for relief.  Moving slowly, he was able to extract himself without disturbing the man, who grunted softly and buried his face in the pillow Jon had been using.  He was still firmly on his side of the bed, which suggested that Jon had likely wormed his way under his body rather than Martin having rolled over onto him.  </p><p>He padded silently to the bathroom and closed the door.  Relief achieved and hands washed, he started to turn back towards the bedroom when he spotted the mouthwash on the counter.  It was a pretty safe bet there’d be more kissing this morning if last night had been any indication.  It couldn’t hurt to be prepared; so he brushed his teeth just in case.  Then he brushed his hair and put it back up in a bun.  He stared at the mirror for a moment before mussing it up again just enough so that it didn’t look like he had been trying.</p><p>
  <em> God, this is ridiculous.  I’m ridiculous.  He’s turned me into a lovestruck idiot in a day. </em>
</p><p>He grinned at his reflection.  He’d never been happier to be so out of sorts.</p><p>He glanced at the clock on his nightstand as he slipped back under the covers.  It was still early by most people’s standards, but he’d actually slept rather late for his normal routine.  He knew he’d never be able to go back to sleep, and he had no idea what time Martin usually rose without work obligations or a massive hangover to rouse him.  Still, he never even considered not climbing back into the bed.  It didn’t occur to him to be somewhere that Martin wasn’t.  After so long of making sure they were as separated as their jobs would allow them to be, Jon couldn’t fathom choosing to be somewhere else.</p><p>He didn’t feel like reading, for once, so there was very little to do other than stare at Martin.  Judging from the bit of face he could see above the pillow, he looked more rested than he had before.  The dark bruises under his eyes had diminished a little, and his face was slack with sleep, far more relaxed than he’d ever seen him.  Looking at him now, it was hard to believe that Jon had ever thought Martin was several years older.  It was such a sharp contrast to the tired defeat he’d shown when Jon had asked him what was wrong the previous night.  He wanted to help, but there seemed to be many things Martin wasn’t ready to share with him yet.  Which was entirely fair, honestly.  Two days prior, they’d been merely coworkers who were hardly even cordial with each other… or at least he’d barely been.  </p><p>He remembered hearing Tim say something about Martin’s mother in passing, but he’d had no idea what Martin was going through.  What Martin had been through.  He tried to imagine the young boy who chose to take on the weight of his whole world, throwing himself into the responsibility with the wholeheartedness that Martin showed in all of his tasks.  At that age Jon had been focused on his studies to the exclusion of all other pursuits, knowing that college would be his chance to get out of his sheltered little world and away from the gaze of someone who may have loved him but could never quite hide how much of a burden he was.  While he’d spent many of his nights up too late reading, Martin had been working himself to exhaustion to support his mother.</p><p>His gaze had strayed up to the spot where the small shaft of light from the window made the ginger curls glow.  He jumped a bit when he glanced back down to find a green eye peering out at him through thick red lashes. </p><p>“You were thinking so loudly you woke me up.”</p><p>Jon rolled his eyes.  He could tell by the small smile that curled at the corner of the mouth that was visible that Martin understood it was playful.  He’d surely seen enough of Jon’s disdainful ones to spot the difference.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean for my consciousness to disturb you.”</p><p>Martin just grunted and shifted slowly.  One arm stretched out languidly to hook around Jon’s waist and pull him across the mattress, tucking him back under a bit of the weight he’d enjoyed when he woke up.  “It’s early, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yeah, a little before 7:00.  I’m not great at sleeping in, even when I have such a wonderful incentive to stay in bed.”</p><p>Martin turned his head to nuzzle into the crook of Jon’s neck, pressing soft kisses to the warm skin there.  He made his way slowly along Jon’s chin, but stopped before he made it to his mouth.  “How do you feel about morning breath?”</p><p>“Nobody likes it, but it’s definitely worth it if it means I get to kiss you now.”</p><p>Martin grinned and kissed him.  He was scowling when he leaned back.  “Why do you taste minty?”</p><p>Jon shrugged nonchalantly.  “I might have preemptively brushed my teeth when I got up a bit ago.”</p><p>“Well, that’s not fair!  Now you’re all clean, and I taste like gross morning breath.”</p><p>“It doesn’t bother me, really.”  Jon tried to pull him close again, but Martin dodged out of his reach.</p><p>“Nope, unacceptable.  I’m not kissing you again till I’ve gargled at least half that bottle of mouthwash.”  He rolled out of the bed and started around the foot of the bed.  “Plus, you know, bathroom.”</p><p>Jon sighed dramatically.  “I guess I’ll just wait here to be kissed properly then.”</p><p>“Damn right you will.”</p><p>Jon would never admit it to anyone, but while he was alone in the room, he absolutely leaned over to bury his nose in the pillow Martin had been using and wonder over how it already smelled different from the rest of his bed.  </p><p>Jon watched him pad quietly back across the room to the bed.  He lifted the covers and slid under them,  though he didn’t lay down on his side as he had the night before.  Jon’s breath caught when Martin hovered over him as his gaze swept painstakingly over his face.  He tugged gently on the thin white tank top, and Martin slowly lowered himself down so that his broad chest had Jon pinned.  He heard the small noise he made, but couldn’t bring himself to care as Martin’s mouth slotted with his in an unhurried, breath-takingly thorough kiss.</p><p>Jon chuckled as they finally parted.  “Hmm, it would seem I’m still just as excited by the sight of you in my bed.”</p><p>“And I still like kissing you in your bed.”</p><p>“Actually, your words last night were that you liked being kissed in my bed.”</p><p>“Is there a diff-” Martin’s words cut off in a surprised yelp as Jon surged up into him.  He dragged Martin down with him so that he was pressed into the pillow behind his head.  Jon may have been under him, but he was in total control of the kiss as he guided Martin’s mouth open and dipped his tongue inside.  His small muffled moans sounded just as good this morning.  He nipped at Martin’s bottom lip as he pulled away.</p><p>He was more than a little breathless when he admitted, “Okay, there is definitely a difference.  Also, I’m really glad I used that mouthwash before you did that.”</p><p>Jon grinned up at him, and he watched the green eyes flit over his face, taking in his expression.  </p><p>“I really like your smile.  I’m glad I’m going to see more of it.”</p><p>He was used to being the one who did the observing, and it was thrilling, if just a bit uncomfortable, to be the object of such scrutiny.  He blushed a little and ducked his chin.  He felt the laugh rumble through the chest pressed to his.</p><p>“Now you’re just begging to be kissed,”  Martin whispered against his ear and let his lips lead a trail across Jon’s skin towards his mouth.  Before he actually made it, Martin’s hand that had been gripping his hip shifted and brushed against the bare skin of his back where his t-shirt had rucked up.  Jon gasped and tried to pull away from the touch.  Immediately Martin was braced on his elbow, looking down at him worriedly and hand held up so that Jon would know he was out of danger.  “I’m sorry!”</p><p>“No, Martin, you’re fine.  That wasn’t- You just washed your hands, and they’re freezing.”  He let out a relieved exhale and let his head drop onto Jon’s shoulder.  Jon tangled his fingers in the soft curls before pressing his cheek against them.  “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to scare you like that.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”  He needed to do something, and for once the thought of it filled his chest with warmth instead of dread.  He was going to do this so that things could go further rather than to slam the brakes on something before it could get out of hand.  He pushed lightly on Martin’s shoulder, and when he pulled back, Jon scooted out from under him and sat up, turning to face Martin and crossing his legs.  There was a worried line between Martin’s brows, and he reached out to soothe it gently.  “Everything is okay, I promise.  But there’s something I need to say, and I need to say it right, which means I need to concentrate.  So I can’t be kissing you, and if I was down there, I’d be kissing you.”</p><p>He expected more teasing, but Martin’s expression went serious as he adjusted so that he could look up at Jon more comfortably.  “Alright, I’m listening.”  The large hand settled on his knee and squeezed it reassuringly.</p><p>Jon took a deep breath.  “When I told you last night that anything above my waist was fine, that meant above or below the shirt.  The only time I’m ever uncomfortable with it is when I’m too keyed up to want to be touched at all, and then there will be plenty of other signs you’d notice before we could even get close to that.”</p><p>Martin’s eyebrows had shot up as soon as he started speaking.  “Jon, we don’t have to do this yet.”</p><p>“I know.”  He laid his hand over Martin’s and smiled at him.  “I’m doing this because I want to...I want you to touch me, and I know that it will go better if we can both relax for it.”</p><p>Martin searched his eyes for a moment before nodding.  “If you are sure, then I’m happy to talk about it, but we don’t have to cover all of it unless you want.  Stop if you get uncomfortable, okay?”  He continued once Jon had nodded, “Is this something you need to just say in one go, or can I ask questions?”</p><p>“No, I want you to.  I want <em> us </em> to talk about it.”</p><p>“Okay.  You said you are fine with being touched anywhere above your waist, but is there anything you don’t like?  Not even boundary-wise, just don’t enjoy?”</p><p>Jon was surprised enough that he stumbled for his answer.  He was used to this conversation being geared towards what he absolutely could not handle; he couldn’t remember anyone ever asking if there was something he just didn’t like.  “Not exactly dislike, more ambivalence I guess, but having my nipples touched.  Just doesn’t do much for me; definitely wouldn’t get the reaction I got last night.”  He was rewarded with the blush he’d been aiming for, and Martin’s voice was slightly higher pitched when he responded.</p><p>“Noted.”</p><p>Jon reached out to run the back of his knuckles along the heated skin, and something else occurred to him as he curled his fingers around the shell of Martin’s ear.  “Oh!  I don’t like tongues near my ears.  Sounds gross, feels gross.  Kisses are fine, even teeth, but no tongues.”</p><p>Martin was chuckling.  “No licking your ears, got it.  Ticklish at all?”</p><p>“Not on my sides, but my feet are 100% off limits.”</p><p>“Oh, not a fan or genuinely that ticklish?”</p><p>“That ticklish.  You should ask Georgie about the time I almost broke her nose.”</p><p>“Jon!”</p><p>“In my defense, I was asleep at the time she decided to test it.  I didn’t even know what had happened till I woke up to her cursing me out and bleeding all over the bed.”  </p><p>If he hadn’t been so enamored with Martin’s casual laughter the night before, he might have missed the slight edge to it now and barely visible tightening of the creases around his eyelids.  But still Martin did chuckle and respond, “No feet, got it.  Can’t say it was high on my list anyway.”  As soon as he’d finished speaking, Jon tilted Martin’s chin further up and bent forward to kiss him, lips lingering just long enough to bring a soft exhale from the larger man as he relaxed into the touch.  “I thought you weren’t supposed to be kissing me?”</p><p>“Well, I did just make the mistake of mentioning being in bed with my ex; so I thought an exception might be warranted, as a reminder that you are the one in my bed now.”</p><p>Martin smiled back at him sheepishly.  “Thanks for that.”  He turned his face to kiss Jon’s palm before looking back up at him.  “So I think we’re at the ankles now.  What about above that?”</p><p>“Above that, I don’t have any issues until mid-thigh, which we talked about last night.”</p><p>“We did, and I meant to bring this up then but we got, um, distracted.  You said that you can take being touched there if you have warning.  That’s not the conversation I’m interested in having.  I only want to know the boundaries where you are entirely comfortable, what you’d actually enjoy, not <em> handle </em>.  Jon, there won’t ever be a time we are together that I would want you to push yourself past that.”</p><p>It took a lot of effort not to kiss him again.  Instead Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try to steady himself and will the tears not to rise.  He’d heard acceptance before that had been a deception for other motives, but still he believed Martin.  Somehow he already trusted this man about whom he knew nearly nothing and who genuinely had ample reason to wish him ill.  It terrified him, but not enough to stop it.  He opened his eyes again when he felt a gentle squeeze on his knee.  His voice wobbled slightly when he continued, “In that case, the sides of my legs and hips are still fine, but the fronts of my legs from mid-thigh up aren’t.  And the rear is okay, but maybe only with permission first?”</p><p>Martin’s eyes narrowed.</p><p>“I don’t like surprises in general when it comes to touch, especially on sensitive areas, but I’m including that because...well, I think I’d enjoy that quite a bit rather than just something I could deal with.  So it’s not the same.”  Jon’s cheeks flushed darker as Martin arched an eyebrow at him.  He swallowed thickly before he continued.  Might as well get this part over with and see where they stood.  He forced himself to hold eye contact and not retreat as he so desperately wanted.  “Which leaves the complicated bit.  I’m never comfortable with being touched anywhere in the front between my waist and mid-thigh even over my clothes.  I will have my shorts on every time we are together, and for the most part that will go for you as well.  I’m almost always going to be more comfortable if you have yours on as well, and it’s not never but it’s going to be very rare that I will want to touch you in the same area.”</p><p>Martin’s expression hadn’t changed.  He was still looking at Jon attentively and calmly.</p><p>“So essentially there will be no touching, no ora- blowjobs...no sex.  Ever.”</p><p>He could tell by how slowly the large hand moved to wrap around his that he’d unconsciously been wringing that Martin was being very cautious with his response.  Once Jon’s hands had stilled, Martin shifted them slightly to lace their fingers together.  “I’m pretty sure you mean ‘penetration’ not ‘sex.’  There’s a lot more to sex than those things you just listed.”</p><p>“Most people seem to differ on that opinion from you.”</p><p>“Well, most people lack imagination.”  Martin smiled at him, and there was a hint of mischief in it that he hadn’t seen before.  He decided immediately that he liked it.  “Will you tell me what you think of when you talk about us being together?”</p><p>“Most times I’m perfectly happy with basically what happened last night.  Maybe a little further- I’d like to touch you more, or more of you to be accurate.”  Martin’s blush was coming back, and it made him self-conscious to continue.  He chewed at his lip, unsure of how to proceed.</p><p>Martin must have sensed his hesitation, because he pushed ahead.  “You said that you don’t get hard often, but it does happen?  Is that something that you do something about?  I mean, do you…?”</p><p>“Yes, not all that frequently, but I do.”  They were both blushing furiously, but Martin was holding his gaze and still breathing calmly, which was helping Jon to maintain his composure.</p><p>“And do <em> you </em>touch?”</p><p>“No, it’s, umm, more <em> friction </em>.”</p><p>“Ahh.  And if it happens when we are together, would you want me to help?”</p><p>“Ideally, you’d then be the source of the friction.”</p><p>Despite his calm façade, Martin had to clear his throat before the next question was intelligible.  “And would that source be like a thigh or-”</p><p>“Sometimes, but I- I’m definitely interested in, shall we say, <em> mutual </em> friction.”</p><p>The green eyes went a bit unfocused before he fell back onto the pillow, laughing.  “This is perhaps that tamest conversation about sex that has ever happened, and it’s still bloody hot.”</p><p>Jon chuckled but didn’t want to lose the thread of the conversation.  “We skipped over a bit though, and I want to know how you feel about it.  So, most of the time it’s going to be like last night, and occasionally, I’ll react enough for what we just talked about.  But we left out the middle bit.  I know you’re going to get aroused more often than I will, and if it’s something you’re interested in, you wouldn’t have to take care of that on your own.  I’d like to help.”</p><p>“Help how?”  Martin was still on his back, but he’d raised his head to look at him.  He couldn’t quite read his expression, but it looked a bit like worry.</p><p>“Kissing, talking, touching elsewhere, basically just being there while you, um, take care of things either through friction or more traditional means.”  It was definitely concern that was twisting his features, and he cut him off before he could say what he knew was causing it.  “I wouldn’t be doing it out of some sort of feeling of obligation or guilt or anything like that.  I want to.  I may not get anything out of it sexually, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t enjoy it.  I want to be with you, Martin.  I want to be a part of you feeling pleasure.  Of course that’s only if you’d want-”</p><p>“Yes.”  His voice croaked a little, but it was very emphatic.  “Yes, I definitely want all of those things.”</p><p>“Good.”  They shared a quick, embarrassed smile before having to glance away.  “There’s one more thing I think we should talk about; although it’s not actually physical- the opposite actually.  But still related to limits, and I don’t want to say something accidentally that might disturb you.”</p><p>Martin looked intrigued.  “Why does it sound like you are going to tell me about one of your kinks?”</p><p>Jon thought about it for a moment.  “I guess it actually could be considered that.”</p><p>“Well, my heart has held out through the rest of all this.  So yeah, lay it on me.”</p><p>“It’s nothing particularly scandalous, just might be off-putting without a heads up.  Plus I want to know if it’s something I should avoid if you don’t like the idea.”  Martin propped an arm behind his head and looked up at him expectantly.  “The things that I can’t do physically...It’s not because I’m repulsed by them.  It’s more that they immediately overwhelm me; there’s so much sensation that I process it more like pain than pleasure.  So while I can’t experience them, I can enjoy thinking about them...or talking about them in the right circumstance.”</p><p>There was a long pause before Martin asked quietly, “You want to tell me about your fantasies?”</p><p>“It does sound much more lascivious when you phrase it like that.”</p><p>“No, it sounds sexy as hell.”</p><p>“So, you would be interested?”</p><p>“Jon, yesterday was one of the best days I can remember, because I got to spend the whole day hearing about the things you think about.  Do you think my interest in that would stop at the bedroom door?  I’d love to hear whatever you want to tell me.”</p><p>The tightness that he hadn’t even realized had settled in his chest loosened a little.  “And I would like to hear yours as well, if you’re willing to share.  Even if- hell, we’ve already established it as a kink so might as well- perhaps <em> especially </em>if it’s something beyond my limits.”</p><p>“I will keep that in mind.  There’s, um, more source material there than I’d probably want to admit to you.”</p><p>Martin shifted under the covers and passed a hand over his face with an embarrassed huff of laughter when Jon grinned at him.  Jon glanced down at the movement, and his eyes caught on the obvious tenting of the blankets.  Martin was watching him when he looked back up.  He scoffed quietly.</p><p>“Were you not expecting me to get turned on when we spent all that time discussing everything we are going to do together?”</p><p>Jon had just exhaled, and for a moment, it was as if his lungs forgot how to function.  He finally managed to suck in a sharp inhale right as Martin started to look concerned again.  “I haven’t had this conversation with very many people, but I am sure that every single time I have, they’ve thought of it as everything they <em> couldn’t </em> do anymore.  But not you…”  Jon didn’t just kiss him this time.  He pressed him back into the pillow as he unfolded his legs and stretched himself out across Martin’s chest, letting the arms that wrapped around his back hold him in place while his fingers tangled in the soft ginger curls to guide the kiss deeper.  Martin hummed low in his throat and pulled Jon tight to him.  They were lost in each other for several long moments before Martin pulled away far enough to look up at him.</p><p>“Not that I’m complaining about being rewarded for the stupidity of others, but I hate that the bar is so low.  I hate that you’ve been treated so badly that just me being decent is enough to impress you.  There’s nothing special about me, Jon.  I’m just accepting you as you should have been all along.”</p><p>Jon smiled down at him and brushed a curl back from his forehead.  “Maybe you’re right that I should expect nothing less than this, but I disagree with the statement that there is nothing special about you.  So far, I’ve found you exceptional in every way.”</p><p>Martin dragged him back down into a desperate kiss, and this time when the large hand slid under his shirt to stroke along the skin over his ribs, he arched up into the touch.  He shifted to balance better now that Martin had set about exploring instead of clutching him in place, and his knee slotted between the other man’s legs.  Martin moaned into their kiss, and immediately an arm snapped down to grip his hip.  He was being held in place, though he wasn’t sure if it was to make sure he didn’t move more or to ensure he didn’t move away.</p><p>He’d broken off the kiss, and the hot puffs of Martin’s panting skimmed over his ear as the freckled cheek pressed to his.  “I’m sorry; that wasn’t meant to push you.  I don’t want us to break your rule.”</p><p>“I’m definitely not saying anything has to happen,”  Martin sounded breathless as he spoke, “but now would probably be a good time to clarify that my actual rule is that I won’t have sex with someone until I know what’s he’s comfortable with.  It’s just never happened on a first date.”</p><p>“Hmm, I’d say we pretty definitively checked that box.”</p><p>“We did, but I don’t want to rush this either.  Not that I particularly want to stop right now.”</p><p>“What if we met somewhere just a little closer to the middle, but wouldn’t get near to either one of our boundaries?”</p><p>“And what would that be?”</p><p>Between words, Jon let his lips trace a path over to Martin’s ear and then down to his neck.  “I was thinking we could keep doing this for a bit, and we both get to explore some more.  Then when you need me to, I could go try to make you a decent cup of tea while you… <em> stay here. </em>”</p><p>He could feel the pounding of Martin’s pulse where his lips pressed to the soft skin under his jaw, and a small surge of satisfaction shot through him as he tilted his chin up, giving Jon easier access to continue his pursuit.  His voice was soft, but serious.  “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes.”  Without hesitation.</p><p>Martin threaded his fingers through Jon’s hair and used the pressure to guide him back to where they could see each other.  “Promise me you’ll stop if you get uncomfortable at all.  That doesn’t just go for this morning either.  Every time, no matter what we are doing, even if you already consented to something and change your mind, I want you to stop the moment you feel anything other than pleasure.  Promise me you won’t push yourself with me.”  The other hand rose to cup his jaw and run a thumb over the sharp contour of his cheekbone.  “That’s not what I want us to be for you.”</p><p>It shouldn’t be possible to adore someone this much already.  But then again he never would have thought himself capable of inviting someone into his home and into his bed after one date, much less to have woken after his first restful night’s sleep in weeks next to them.  Perhaps ‘exceptional’ was the right word for Martin as he seemed to be the one weakness in all the absolutes Jon had thought he’d known about himself.  </p><p>“I promise.”  Jon stretched up to kiss the full lips that parted immediately for him, and he swallowed the moan as his knee again shifted against Martin.  </p><p>He’d meant to return quickly to his exploration, but Martin’s tongue and the slight pull of his fingers in Jon’s hair proved more than a little distracting.  So it was several minutes before he was kissing his way along a freckled shoulder.  He paused when he reached the strap of the white tank top.  He tugged at it.  “Can I take this off?”</p><p>He was too close to Martin’s chest to miss the way his breath hitched.  He pulled back and looked up to see hesitation.  The green eyes darted to the window behind him, which was letting in more light now that the sun had properly risen.  He pressed against the broad chest to push himself up onto his knees, straddling one of Martin’s thighs.</p><p>“We can absolutely leave it on, but you’ve done everything you can to make sure I’m comfortable with you.  I want you to feel the same.”  As he spoke, his hands began to deliberately slide over the shirt, slipping eventually from Martin’s chest down to his abdomen and showing muscle and flab the same amount of adoration.  “I like to touch; I think you and Sasha have both picked up on that now.  But that doesn’t translate to people for me.  Until I saw you standing in my living room after Tim’s party.  It’s been years since I had any desire to touch someone, and it was never like what I felt in that moment.  I wanted to touch you.  I wanted to know what you felt like because you were soft and strong and warm and so, so <em> beautiful </em>.  I am still in awe that I’m getting the chance to do that.  What I’m trying to say is that I can’t tell you what to see when you look at yourself, but I can tell you that you will never have to worry about me not liking what I see.  I am stunned by you, Martin.  All of you.”</p><p>For a moment, all he did was stare up at Jon.  Then he sat up slowly and pulled the shirt over his head.  His hands slid under Jon’s t-shirt before tugging him close again.  When Martin tipped his chin up, Jon met him with a soft kiss.  There was no tension in the shoulders as he let his hands slide over them and trace over the expanse of his back.  Martin barely pulled away, whispering against his lips, “You’re real, right?”</p><p>Jon’s answering huff of laughter was muffled as Martin captured his mouth again, more fervently this time.  His breath was ragged by the time he had a chance to reply.  His finger traced lightly over Martin’s kiss-swollen lips, and he smiled.  “What was that you said about benefiting from the stupidity of others?”  He pushed lightly on Martin’s chest, and he fell back onto the pillows.  “I want to look at you.”</p><p>He took a few seconds to just appreciate the sight before him, and then he reached out to run his fingers through the scattered ginger curls across Martin’s chest.  The green eyes that had been watching him back with just as much intensity fluttered shut as Jon tugged lightly on the chest hair.  Another of those lovely moans echoed through his bedroom.  His hands followed everywhere his eyes swept over, fingers tracing each soft roll and hard muscle before his mouth chased them both.  Martin’s hands were clenched around his sheets, and his back arched off the bed to press his skin against Jon’s lips.  There was tension now, but Jon had put it there on purpose, delighting in the way Martin’s breath stuttered anytime Jon’s exploration led him close to where he knew he wanted to be touched before veering away again.</p><p>Eventually, he kissed his way back up from his belly button, and he paused halfway up his sternum.  He let a thumb brush lightly over the hard nub and felt the man under him shiver.  He hovered just over the skin and breathed out slowly, watching as the nipple hardened even further as the air ghosted over it.  Martin seemed to be holding his breath now, and Jon hesitated a brief moment before pressing a featherlight kiss to the sensitive skin.  As soon as he felt Martin exhale and relax just the slightest, he opened his mouth and grazed his teeth over it before sucking the nipple into his mouth.  Martin cried out, and Jon was glad that he’d purposefully sought out an apartment with thick walls due to his tendency to play music at ridiculous volumes when he was up far too late.  He had every intention to pull noises like that out as often as he could, a sentiment that was only intensified when the cry was followed up by his name being moaned.</p><p>His tongue soothed over the skin his teeth had just scraped, and one of Martin’s hands moved to tangle in his hair.  Jon couldn’t stop the groan that was dragged out of him when Martin twisted his fingers, pulling on his hair exquisitely.  “Christ, that feels even better than I thought it would.”</p><p>Martin grunted in a vaguely questioning way, but seemed beyond words to pursue the inquiry further.</p><p>
  <em> He did say he was interested… </em>
</p><p>His hand began to tease the other nipple to attention, and his words were punctuated by his continued ministrations to the one under his mouth.  “I might have told you a very small lie last night.”  The fingers in his hair tightened again, and he gasped before rushing on.  “I told you I had thought of just you, never me with you...but that wasn’t technically true.  There was one time I let myself.  A few weeks ago,  when I was...”</p><p>His mouth fell open as Martin pulled hard at his hair, dragging him up so that he could see Jon’s expression.  He licked his lips and watched Martin’s eyes desperately follow the movement.  “Usually while I’m <em> taking care of things </em>, I don’t think of anything specific and hardly ever involving myself, but that time, I wanted more.  I wanted you.  I thought about you here with me.”</p><p>Martin pulled him up into a hard kiss.  His tongue drove into Jon’s mouth immediately, and he returned it just as feverishly.  “Tell me, please.”  The crack in his voice, the slight whine in his tone as he begged… God, Jon was dizzy with how powerful it made him feel, that he could draw such a reaction from Martin with just his words.</p><p>He pressed his cheek to Martin’s so that he could whisper into his ear.  “There isn’t much to tell.  Once I let myself think about you, it didn’t take very long at all.”  Martin moaned again, but Jon was fairly certain this time it was more from the fact that he’d begun to tense his thigh so that it rubbed rhythmically against the hard length of Martin’s erection, rather than from his words.  Or maybe it was both.  “I thought about your hands, Martin.  Your hands on my skin, in my hair-” He pressed his scalp back against the palm that still held it. “-and wrapped around my cock.”</p><p>This time the hips under him actually bucked up, seeking more pressure.</p><p>“God, Jon.”  Martin lifted his head to bury his face in Jon’s neck.  “I’m close.  I- I need to-”</p><p>“You need me to go so you can touch.”</p><p>Martin nodded, but still his hands held Jon in place until he kissed the lobe of his ear.  “You have to let go, then.”  He groaned, but complied, and Jon very carefully pulled away from him to avoid any further stimulation.  He did have to pause to take in the sight of Martin on his pillows, flushed and panting and looking positively wrecked.  He needed to step out quickly before they both convinced themselves that he should stay, which wasn’t the boundary they’d agreed upon before their brains had been addled with hormones.  He thought of something the moment he stood from the bed.</p><p>“Oh!  Hold on.”  He quickly stepped into the small bathroom and came back out with his box of tissues.  He held them out to Martin, but pulled them back just before he took them.  “Wait.  Is this why your shower was cold yesterday morning?”</p><p>Martin groaned and looked up at him pleadingly.  “Jon…”</p><p>“Right!  Sorry!”  He put the tissues down on the mattress and leaned in to kiss him quickly before heading for the door.  “I’ll see to that tea.”</p><p>He closed the door behind him and walked to the kitchen.  The tea didn’t take long to brew, but the few minutes of being out of sight of Martin was still plenty of time for some of the old doubts to creep into his thoughts.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Caring for a grown woman is not an easy task, even if she is frail, and Martin built up plenty of muscles in all the time he was the only one doing it.  I love the thought of Martin being chubby and also a damn beast that could throw Jon over his shoulder if he's being a brat.  </p><p>I mentioned the touch-starved thing, right?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Martin had been instantly enthralled by the soft shyness he’d seen in Jon since their date.  It contrasted enticingly with the hard, unaffected attitude he was so accustomed to from Head Archivist Jon, and he’d immediately deemed the expression as belonging to his Jon.  This wasn’t that though.  This was timid and, if he wasn’t mistaken, a bit scared even.  There was nothing enjoyable about this juxtaposition.  It made him want to sweep Jon back into the dark bedroom, pull the curtains closed, and lock the door so that he could protect him from anything that might want to harm him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Switching perspective in this chapter to Martin.  There were a few moments here that I wanted to explore from his side.  CWs for previous relationship trauma (more shitty ex fallout), a brief description (not in great detail) of a situation that could have gone very badly , bad analogies, and loneliness.</p>
<p>Again huge thanks to gaslightgallows and neontearsjpg for Beta'ing!</p>
<p>And I've already started on the next piece, so more fluff to come!  Hopefully I can get most of this AU done before canon comes to rip all of our hearts out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Martin was inspecting the bookshelves in the living room when Jon reappeared.  He heard the muffled pad of bare feet on the carpet behind him, and then Jon was holding out the same ‘What the Ghost’ mug from yesterday morning.  He could tell just from the color that he had overcorrected on the amount of milk, but it still looked much better than the previous attempt.</p>
<p>He took a small sip to test the steeping and sugar even though it was still too warm to drink comfortably.  “That’s actually pretty close.”  Jon hummed an acknowledgement, but he seemed distracted as he set his own mug down on the shelf instead of trying it.  Martin barely kept the tea from sloshing out when Jon turned suddenly and tucked himself against his chest, burying his face in the undershirt he’d donned once again.  “Oh!  Hello.”</p>
<p>He wrapped his free arm around Jon and noticed immediately how tense the muscles were along his back.  Now that looked closer, he could see that the narrow shoulders were drawn in nearly to his ears.</p>
<p>“Hey, what’s wrong?”  He kept his voice low and calm, trying not to let his rising panic creep through.  They’d pushed it too far despite all their efforts.  That had to explain this reaction.  Jon was regretting what they’d done.  “Will you look at me, please?”</p>
<p>Reluctantly, Jon tipped his chin up.  Martin had been instantly enthralled by the soft shyness he’d seen in Jon since their date.  It contrasted enticingly with the hard, unaffected attitude he was so accustomed to from Head Archivist Jon, and he’d immediately deemed the expression as belonging to <em> his Jon </em>.  This wasn’t that though.  This was timid and, if he wasn’t mistaken, a bit scared even.  There was nothing enjoyable about this juxtaposition.  It made him want to sweep Jon back into the dark bedroom, pull the curtains closed, and lock the door so that he could protect him from anything that might want to harm him.</p>
<p>He moved slowly, setting his mug down next to the other one and bringing his hand up to brush a thumb lightly across Jon’s temple.  “What is it?”</p>
<p>He chewed his lip for a moment before answering with a question of his own.  “Are you sure it’s okay?  What I said?”</p>
<p>Martin thought he knew where this might be headed, but he didn’t want to assume.  “You’ve said a lot this morning.  Do you mean what you said when I asked you to tell me about what you’d thought about?”</p>
<p>Jon nodded, and Martin hated the way his dark eyebrows drew down as if he were bracing for something that would hurt.  “I said something that I can’t actually- I don’t want you to think-”  He couldn’t seem to find a way to finish the thought.  He let out a frustrated sigh and closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“Jon, you laid your boundaries out for me very clearly, and then we talked about being able to tell each other our fantasies, including things that would not physically happen between us.  I’m not going to suddenly doubt all of that because it happened just as we discussed it.  Did I do something to make you think I would?”</p>
<p>Jon moved back into him, laying his cheek against Martin’s chest.  “No, not at all.  I just- I don’t know- wanted to make sure, I guess.”</p>
<p>Something occurred to Martin that stilled his hand where it had started to stroke over Jon’s hair.</p>
<p>“He didn’t like it, did he?”</p>
<p>Jon flinched, and his hands curled tighter in the shirt at his sides.  His face was angled down too far for Martin to see more of his expression than just the tight worry line between his brows.  The whisper was muffled against him and just barely audible.</p>
<p>“He called me a <em> tease</em>.”</p>
<p>Martin did not consider himself to be a violent person, but the more he discovered of this ‘Robert’, the more he could see himself making an exception in this case.  He hugged Jon tighter against him and pressed his cheek to the top of his head.</p>
<p>“He was wrong, Jon.  He was wrong about so many things about you, and this is just one more.”  He felt some of the tension bleed out of his shoulders.</p>
<p>“So it didn’t bother you when I talked about you touching me?”  His face had tilted up enough to see Martin’s lopsided smile in return.</p>
<p>“I’d say ‘bothered’ was the opposite of how I felt about it.”  Jon smiled back at him and shifted to let his chin rest on his sternum.  “I want to know what you think about, what you like, and the best part is that I get to hear it directly from you.  I might have just the <em> slightest </em> thing for your voice, if you hadn’t noticed.”</p>
<p>“I picked up on that a bit.”  He stretched up onto his toes to meet Martin’s lips.  It was nothing like the heated kisses from a few minutes ago, but it still made his head spin and his heart race.  He barely caught a glimpse of the grin Jon flashed when he finally dropped back down onto his heels.  He knew exactly what kind of reaction he’d caused.</p>
<p>“Alright, you, enough of that.  How about some breakfast before you have me right back in that bedroom?”</p>
<p>Jon smirked and stepped away.  He picked up both their mugs and, after passing Martin his, motioned towards the kitchen.  “Be my guest.  Let’s just see what sort of culinary talent I’ve managed to snag.”</p>
<p>He felt a surge of warmth through his chest as he started for the kitchen and noticed a small tug on his shirt as Jon’s fingers latched onto the material as he trailed behind him.</p>
<p>It was cute for a bit, how Jon didn’t seem to want to be more than a few steps from him, but after the third time he ran into him while just trying to gather the things he’d need, it was significantly less endearing.  He sighed and in one smooth motion lifted Jon by the waist, turned, and deposited him on the counter.</p>
<p>“You are a menace!” he teased.  He paused when he leaned back and caught sight of Jon’s expression.  His nostrils were flared, and his eyes were wide as he stared back, pupils blown large enough to nearly obscure the warm brown of his irises.  One hand was clenched tightly in the front of Martin’s shirt.</p>
<p>
  <em> He almost looks… </em>
</p>
<p>Martin grinned at him.  “Okay, that’s a look we’re going to have to explore later.”  His suspicions were confirmed when Jon’s cheeks flared red immediately.  “But right now I’m hungry, and you are distracting.”</p>
<p>Still when Jon tugged on the cloth, he didn’t hesitate to lean in for a surprisingly heated kiss.  Jon was still blushing when they parted, but there was also an adorably bashful smile playing at the corners of his mouth.  He drank his tea and watched silently as Martin began to prep the ingredients and get them onto the stove.  </p>
<p>“Thank you for that conversation, Jon.  I’m really glad you felt comfortable enough with me so soon.  I know there are still things we’ll need to talk about, but I’m glad we have some ground rules to let us both feel safe.”</p>
<p>“More?”</p>
<p>“That was just the basics, so at some point we’ll need to talk about hard limits for non-physical things, what subjects to avoid, any kinks that we might want to try and which ones are off-limits-”</p>
<p>“No restraints.”</p>
<p>Martin’s eyes snapped up from the pan to Jon’s face, but he was looking at the tea in his cup.  He was pretty sure that wasn’t what Jon was seeing though.  He turned the heat down a little on everything and stepped over to stand by Jon’s knee.</p>
<p>“He didn’t hurt me, Martin.  At least not the way I think you’re imagining.  The problem is that I don’t know that he wouldn’t have.  He wanted to try them, and I wasn’t opposed.  But the moment I couldn’t move my hands, I realized that I didn’t trust him at all anymore, and I panicked.  As far as I know the only time he put his hands on me that night was to take them off when I wouldn’t stop screaming at him.  I never let him touch me again.  That’s the night that I walked out.”  Jon looked up at him through his lashes.  “I’m sorry if that was something you wanted-  It’s not that I wouldn’t trust you-”</p>
<p>“No restraints ever.”  He tilted Jon’s chin up.  “That is the last time I want you to have to relive that memory with me.  So it’s off the table.”</p>
<p>Jon’s smile was relieved, and he leaned into Martin’s touch.  Martin took the mostly empty cup from his hands and set it on the counter.  He nudged Jon’s knees apart and stepped between them to pull him into a tight hug.  He stayed there long after Jon had relaxed fully against his chest.  He had time before anything else needed his attention more urgently than this.</p>
<p>The bacon and sausages were just starting to sizzle when the front door rattled as a key slid into place.  They both looked to each other in panic.</p>
<p>“Were you expec-”</p>
<p>Martin’s whisper was drowned out by the sound of Georgie bellowing down the hall as soon as the door opened.</p>
<p>“Jonathan Sims!  You had better hope that Martin turned out to be a serial killer, and you are dead in a gutter somewhere!  Otherwise,” her voice faded for a moment, presumably as she poked her head into the bedroom, “you are in big trouble, mister!  There is no other excuse for ignoring my calls and texts all night long.  You have the Admiral worried sick- Wait...Are you <em> cooking </em>?!”</p>
<p>She appeared suddenly in the doorway and froze when she saw them, one hand still raised where she’d been waving her phone dramatically.  Her hair was pulled up into a messy puff, and her bright red leggings were tucked into purple boots trimmed with fake fur.  She was still wearing her black leather jacket over a sweatshirt that had “Be Gay Do Crimes” in silver sequins across the front.</p>
<p>“Okay, so maybe there is one other valid excuse.”  The way her face shifted from surprise into the mischievous grin he’d seen in the diner reminded Martin strongly of Alice’s Cheshire Cat.  “Good morning, Martin.”</p>
<p>“Good morning, Georgie.”  Her eyes moved pointedly down him, and he was suddenly very aware of just how little he was actually wearing.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Jon came to his assistance.  “Alright, if you are quite finished ogling my boyfriend, you can apologize for bursting in so rudely, using the key I gave you for <em> emergencies only</em>.”</p>
<p>Georgie’s eyes snapped to Jon as soon as he said ‘boyfriend’ (to be fair, so did Martin’s).  He held onto the stern expression for about two seconds before breaking into a smile.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank god!”  She stepped into the kitchen and looked to Martin.  “He’s been insufferable for months.  Maybe I won’t have to listen to him pine over you all the damn time now.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be ridiculous.  I have not-” She turned a withering look on Jon, and he relented.  “I haven’t been that bad.”</p>
<p>“Yes, you have.  Oh, and this was an emergency so no, I will not apologize for worrying about you when you went completely off the grid for over 12 hours after promising me to keep me updated.”</p>
<p>“I am flattered by your concern.”  His voice went soft, and he looked a little contrite.  “And I am sorry for worrying you.  I completely forgot to let you know I was home safely.  I don’t think my phone ever even made it out of my jacket when I hung it up.”</p>
<p>“Ooh, I don’t think mine did either, now that you say that.”  Martin bit his lip.  There was a flash of panic that he might have missed a call about (from) his mother, but he tried to dismiss it.  She hadn’t answered a single call or text from him since the argument they’d had about his finances over a week ago.  It was doubtful that had changed overnight.</p>
<p>Georgie pulled him from his thoughts.  “You should definitely let your friends know that you’re alright.  If I was worried about you being a killer, they’ve probably already called the police if they know Jon at all.  Don’t have to stretch the imagination all that hard to make that leap once you’ve met him.”</p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p>She shrugged, and the movement caused the bag hanging from her shoulder to shift.  There was a highly offended meow in return.</p>
<p>Martin gasped.  “Did you bring the Admiral?”</p>
<p>Georgie tilted her head at him, and he had to bite back a laugh at how much it looked just like Jon when he was confused.  “How-”</p>
<p>“Jon showed us pictures at Tim’s party.  He looked like-”  Martin’s words dissolved into a delighted squeal as she reached into the bag and pulled out the biggest cat he’d ever seen.  Two golden eyes peered out at him curiously from a mass of orange fur, and this time he did giggle as the small head tilted to the side as he was considered.</p>
<p>“Well, since you came all this way, at least bring me my son.”  The moment Jon spoke the cat’s head swiveled towards him, and he began to meow insistently, pushing at Georgie’s wrists with his soft paws.</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay, okay.  You don’t have to be quite so obvious that you like him better, you little traitor.”  She handed off the cat, who instantly started purring, and leaned against the counter next to Jon.</p>
<p>“Would you like to meet a new friend?” Jon was absolutely talking to the Admiral and not him.  “He’s very nice, and we like him a lot, okay?”  </p>
<p>He stepped over to them when Jon motioned for him, and he held up his hand for inspection.  The Admiral sniffed at it cautiously, looked up at Jon, and then pushed his neck forward to bump his nose into Martin’s fingers.  Jon grinned at him as he started to pet the soft fur between the alert ears.</p>
<p>“Looks like you’ve been accepted.”</p>
<p>“I’d say ‘congratulations,’ but the only thing you’ve gained is a life-long obligation to give scritches on demand.”  Georgie was smiling at him too.  “Oh, hey, I’ve got another goodie hidden in this bag!”</p>
<p>She pulled out a brown box with a small label stamped on the side.  The only word Martin could make out was ‘Bakery.’</p>
<p>“Now, hold on a second.  You thought I might have been dead, but you still stopped for chocolate croissants?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I figured they’d be necessary.  Either you met an unfortunate fate, and I would need consoling.  <em> Or </em> the date went horribly, and you would need consoling.  <em> Or </em> the date went wonderfully, and we’d be celebrating.  No matter which one it was, a flaky, decadent treat was completely appropriate.  Did not foresee the fourth option of interrupting an actual morning-after breakfast, though.”  She winked at Martin.  “In which case, they are still appropriate, but as a parting gift so that I don’t become the unannounced third wheel that busted into this adorable little scene.”</p>
<p>He saw Jon’s hands unconsciously shift the Admiral closer and made a split-second decision.  “You should stay.”</p>
<p>They both looked up at him a bit shocked.  “No, Martin, I couldn’t-”</p>
<p>“You could, and you should.  We bought way more food than the two of us could eat, even with how much of those waffles I saw him put away yesterday.  So there’s plenty extra, and you did say you wanted to hang out again.  I’d like to know you and the Admiral better.  So you should.”</p>
<p>She looked at Jon, who just shrugged and smiled.  “Okay… If you’re sure.  Can’t say I’m not curious about you too.  Don’t think that I’ve ever seen someone capture this one’s attention quite so thoroughly before.  You must be pretty special, Martin.”</p>
<p>“Oh, he definitely is.” Jon’s voice had a slight teasing lilt, but his eyes when they met Martin’s showed only certainty.</p>
<p>He could feel how hot his cheeks had gotten, and he turned quickly to tend to the breakfast so that he could try to hide it.  Actually, now might be a great time to deal with his other embarrassing situation.  “Jon, could you keep an eye on this?  I’m going to put on my trousers at least.”</p>
<p>Jon nodded, but Georgie snatched the spatula out of Martin’s hand before he could move.</p>
<p>“Better let me do that.”</p>
<p>“Georgie, I am fully capable of tending a stove for a few minutes.”</p>
<p>“Really, because I threw away 3 pans in uni that say otherwise.”</p>
<p>“You can’t judge me based on mistakes made years ago when you knew there was a book in my hand at the time.  Honestly, I think the demise of those pans is on your shoulders.”</p>
<p>Martin left them to their friendly bickering and headed down the hall.  He spotted his jacket hanging by the front door and detoured past the bedroom to retrieve his phone.  He lit up the screen to find a litany of messages and missed calls waiting for him (none were from his mother).  Most were from Tim, ranging from teasing at the beginning to a final message from an hour ago that read, <em> Please, mate.  Just tell me you’re okay.  </em>There were a few from Sasha scattered throughout as well.  Hers started out begging him to text Tim so he’d leave her alone, but they shifted to concerned as the hour had gotten later.  A change in tone from the kitchen made him look up.</p>
<p>Georgie’s voice had lost all of its playful edge, and now sounded genuinely concerned.  “So if he’s here does that mean the talk went well?  Or did you not have it?”</p>
<p>Jon was quiet, but the apartment was silent otherwise.  “We talked this morning.  He… Georgie, I- I don’t even know how to put into words how amazing my night was.  How amazing <em> he </em> is.”</p>
<p>The phone started buzzing in his hand, and Tim’s face filled his screen.  He tucked it against him to try to muffle the sound and ducked into the bedroom, closing the door quietly.  He shouldn’t listen to any more of Jon’s private discussion with his best friend anyway.</p>
<p>He swiped the screen.  “Hey, Tim.”</p>
<p>“Martin!  Jesus, man, are you okay?!”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.  I’m so sorry.  I forgot my phone in my jacket, and I just found it.  I didn’t mean to worry you.”</p>
<p>“I had just about convinced myself to call the police, especially since Jon’s not answering his phone either.  I thought something might have happened to both of you while you were out…”  Tim trailed off, and Martin could almost hear the thoughts clicking into place in his brain.  “Neither of you have been answering your phones...Martin, did you not call me when you got home to give me all the juicy details because you never <em> went </em> home?  Did you stay the night at Jon’s again?”</p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p>He should have expected it, but he still jumped at the loud whoop in his ear.  “Martin ‘King’ Blackwood, you absolute slut!  I am so fucking proud of you!”</p>
<p>“That is still not what the ‘K’ stands for no matter how many times you say it, and it wasn’t like that.”</p>
<p>“Did you sleep on the couch again?”</p>
<p>“Well, no.”</p>
<p>“Then it was absolutely like that even if you two didn’t screw.  So you spent the night in his bed, huh?  What was it like?  I always figured he had something weird, like a rack where he slept hanging upside down.”</p>
<p>Martin snorted.  “It is a perfectly normal bed in a perfectly normal- if quite a bit messy- bedroom in a perfectly normal, lovely flat.  And I’ll be happy to give you all the details later, but I’ve got breakfast on the stove.  I just ducked out to put on some clothes since Georgie’s here-”</p>
<p>“Wait, that ex-girlfriend he mentioned?  What is she doing there?”</p>
<p>“She’s not just his ex; she’s his current best friend.  And he forgot his phone too, so she came to check on him.  I invited her to stay and eat with us.  Oh, and she brought the cat!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, that all checks out as exactly as weird as I would expect a post-sex breakfast with Jon Sims to be.”</p>
<p>“Tim-”</p>
<p>“Fine, a ‘post-sleeping-together-literally’ breakfast then.”  He didn’t realize until that moment that it was possible to hear air-quotations.</p>
<p>“I have to go.  Will you let Sasha know I’m fine?  And yes, you can fill her in on where I was.”</p>
<p>“She’s going to love this!”</p>
<p>He bit his lip as he tried to decide whether to say anything and finally determined that this was something he wanted to head off just in case.  “Tim, I need you to do me a favor.”</p>
<p>“Name it.”</p>
<p>“I need to talk to you about something important as soon as we get a chance.  Something Jon has told me we can talk about, something he’s a bit sensitive about.  I’m trying to reassure him that everything is fine, and I’d really hate for you to say something accidentally that would make him more insecure about it.  So until we talk, could you not tease him about us?  Or at least about anything you think might have happened last night?”</p>
<p>There was a moment of silence over the line before Tim responded, voice slightly confused but still sincere.  “Of course.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.  I’m not sure what time I’ll head home, but I promise I will call you to tell you all of it once I get there.”</p>
<p>“You better or this time I <em> will </em>call the police.”</p>
<p>Martin hung up the phone and dressed quickly, opting to also put back on the jumper as well, hoping it would make him feel at least slightly more at ease while trying to make a good impression on the most important person in Jon’s life.</p>
<p>They ate in the living room with Jon curled into his side on the small couch and Georgie sat on a cushion on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.  The Admiral wove his way between all of them, sniffing at the food, and once he’d accepted that he wasn’t getting anything, he settled down to purr contentedly on the back of the couch behind Jon’s head.  Martin had learned to cook in the kitchen of a cheap diner, and his breakfasts tended to be greasy but flavorful dishes, which was apparently perfectly fine by Georgie.  The near-obscene noises she made with almost every bite had Jon rolling his eyes and Martin breaking down into giggles.  He and Jon split one of the croissants.  It wasn’t something that he’d normally splurge on for himself, and he made sure to return her display of delight to show her how much it was appreciated.  Jon’s cheeks went crimson, and she was thrilled to have a co-conspirator in her mission to embarrass him.</p>
<p>After breakfast, she told him stories about the two of them while they’d been in school that had Martin’s sides aching from laughter while Jon complained to the Admiral that he was being slandered.  When Jon excused himself to either use the restroom or simply to escape the torment for a bit, Georgie helped him carry the dishes into the kitchen.  He turned away from the sink to find she was staring at him rather intensely.</p>
<p>“I feel like this may be the part in the movies where the best friend warns the new love interest that if he hurts them, she’ll kill him.”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not that.  Well, at least I’m just considering that part as already being assumed.  This is more of an offer of advice.  I don’t know you all that well yet, but I think that you may be a really good guy, Martin.  And I get the feeling you don’t want to hurt Jon; so I thought I might offer you a little insight.  If you don’t think I’m overstepping…”</p>
<p>He leaned back against the counter.  “Hurting him is the last thing I’d want to do.  I’d welcome anything that might help me avoid that.”</p>
<p>She nodded and leaned next to him.  “Jon is not exactly an approachable person.  He told me a bit about what things were like between you both when he took the promotion, so I think you know that already.  Most people never get to see what is beyond that, and I feel sorry for them.  Jon is the most fiercely loyal person I know once he deems you worthy of his energy, but he’s also gotten himself into bad situations in the past because of it.  It’s… We were studying King Arthur’s legends when Jon and I met, and I had this weird analogy occur to me that I’ve never been able to forget.  It’s silly, but I can’t think of a better way to describe him.  Jon is like a castle with the highest, thickest walls protecting it, but once he opens the gate, once he trusts you enough to let you in, there are no more defenses.  No locks, no doors.  He’s completely vulnerable to the people he allows access to his life.  I know I tease him a lot, but I also know he understands that it’s the way I am most comfortable with showing love.  He knows that when I poke at him I’m really just telling him how much I adore him.  And he’ll learn you, too.  He’ll figure out how to see what you mean behind what you say.  It can be scary, but the fact that someone cares about me enough to <em> know </em> me so thoroughly, I find it comforting.  I hope that you’ll feel the same way.  Him inviting you to stay these past two nights… Martin, that was a much bigger deal than you may realize.  It also means that he’s already thrown open the gates for you, so to speak.  So just be careful with him, yeah?  Not just because I don’t ever want to see him hurt the way he has been before, but also because you strike me as someone who wouldn’t be able to let go of the guilt if you did hurt him.”</p>
<p>He turned to face her.  “His trust already means so much to me.  I don’t ever want to do anything that would make him regret it.  Thank you, Georgie, for telling me.”</p>
<p>Her solemn expression melted away into a delighted smile.  “You’ve got it just as bad as he does, don’t you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know exactly how much he feels, but I… I’ve never felt like this.  It’s a lot, but it’s been wonderful being with him.”</p>
<p>Her response was cut off by Jon coming down the hall.  “Okay, I’m coming back!  You can both stop talking about me now!”</p>
<p>“Believe it or not, Jon, you are not the only possible topic of conversation! “</p>
<p>Jon scoffed as he joined them.  “Maybe not the only one, but by far the most interesting.”  He pressed against Martin’s side and wrapped his arms around him.  His eyes flitted to Georgie before apparently deciding the potential harassment would be worth it and stretched up to kiss Martin quickly.</p>
<p>But she was distracted by her buzzing phone before she could do more than grin at them.  “Ooh, I need to go.  Melanie wants to grab lunch before her crew heads out for their shoot in Leicester, and I should probably put in some more effort than this.”  She gestured to her mismatched outfit.  “She’ll be away for a few days, so I think I’ll wear something that will make sure she’s thinking about me while she’s gone.”</p>
<p>“Well, that is certainly an outfit that won’t be forgotten.  Maybe you should keep it on.”</p>
<p>She stuck her tongue out at Jon as she collected the Admiral from the couch.  She held him out to Jon.  “Come say goodbye to your son before I whisk him away again.”  Jon rubbed behind the cat’s ears and grinned when he was rewarded with a head bump against his nose.</p>
<p>“I love you too, little man.  And you as well.”  He kissed Georgie’s cheek as she slipped the cat into the large linen bag with surprisingly little fuss from the animal.  He let out a single complaining mewl before curling into a ball.</p>
<p>“Bye, dear.  Martin, it was lovely getting to see you again so soon.  I’m looking forward to seeing much more of you… well, there’s not a lot more of you that I could see than I did this morning without this becoming awkward very quickly.”  She winked at him as Jon ushered her towards the door.  “Thank you for the food!”</p>
<p>Once the door was closed behind her, Jon walked back towards him.  “I’m sorry about that.  I should have realized when she didn’t hear from me, she’d come looking.  I hope she didn’t ruin our breakfast for you.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not.  I really like her, Jon.  She’s so much fun!  And the Admiral is just the best.”</p>
<p>“He really is.  I’m-” He took a deep breath, and he smiled fondly.  “I’m really glad you two like each other.  You and Georgie, that is.  I just assume that everyone will like the Admiral.”</p>
<p>“It’s a fair assumption.”  He pulled Jon into a hug and kissed his forehead.  “She’s important to you which makes her important to me.  So even if I didn’t like her so much, I’d make sure it worked.  It seems rather crucial that your best friend and <em> your boyfriend </em> get along.”</p>
<p>Jon flinched a little and peered up at him nervously.  “Is that okay?  I should have asked before I just-”</p>
<p>He tightened his arms and lifted Jon from the ground.  His words cut off in a gasp, and his hands clutched at Martin’s shoulders.  </p>
<p>
  <em> Yeah, this is definitely something to explore. </em>
</p>
<p>“I think it’s the best thing I’ve heard all morning, and the bar was set pretty high for that.” Jon grinned even as he leaned in to kiss him.  “And you can tell anyone you want to.  I’d be happy to have the whole world know.”</p>
<p>They spent the rest of the morning on the couch, curled up in varying positions and continued getting to know each other better.  Martin learned more about Jon’s grandmother and what he’d done after getting his degree before Elias had recruited him, and he shared with Jon stories about his own Nan and her peculiar superstitions.  There was a <em> lot </em>of kissing between and sometimes during the conversations.  Martin determined quickly that he’d need to pick up more chapstick if this was how it was going to be with them.  They had Thai food delivered for lunch.  Jon insisted on paying, and Martin tried not to feel too guilty about letting him (and not putting up too much of a fight about it since last night’s dinner had actually taken up a good chunk of his spending money for the month).  </p>
<p>It was late afternoon before they both accepted that Martin would indeed need to go home.  His first attempt to leave was side-tracked by Jon remembering his leftovers from lunch and then distracting him with kisses in the kitchen when they went back for it.  He sabotaged his own second endeavor by pressing Jon against the wall and letting his lips trail down his neck just to hear him gasp again.  He finally made it out the door on his third try, and he smiled to himself as the elevator doors closed, eclipsing Jon who’d stood in his doorway to watch him leave.  He made the long commute home on auto-pilot as his mind replayed the insanity that had taken over his weekend.</p>
<p>It was jarring to step into his own living room.  This apartment had always felt cold and barren to him, but now after spending so much time in Jon’s warm, comfortable flat, it was almost unbearable.  He’d moved here after his mum had chosen to live in the care home rather than have him continue to tend to her.  It was the only thing he could afford with having to split his income to cover her bills beyond the small pittance the government provided.  He hated it and everything it represented about his situation.  He’d never even bothered to decorate beyond a few pictures that had been his Nan’s.  To stave off the inevitable crash of loneliness, he called Tim, who immediately looped Sasha into the call. He wanted to talk to Tim in person about his physical relationship with Jon, so he avoided the subject.  Sasha must have been following his lead, because she didn’t mention it either.  Listening to their giddy excitement for him warmed him a bit, and by the time they hung up, he felt good enough to heat up his leftovers and eat a small supper.</p>
<p>Jon called him just as he was climbing into bed.  He spoke before Martin even had a chance to say ‘hello.’</p>
<p>“My bed doesn’t feel the same.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“It feels empty.  You’ve ruined me, Martin.  Hundreds of nights spent here alone with no qualms about it, and one night with you changed all that.”</p>
<p>Martin laughed as he laid back against the single pillow.  “I miss you too.  If it helps, my bed feels even more lonely than it did before.”</p>
<p>“Well, of course that doesn’t help, because now I want you here even more.  Maybe we could talk for a bit so neither of us feels so alone.”</p>
<p>Martin closed his eyes and brushed away the one tear that had managed to slip out before he could push them back down.  “I’d like that.”</p>
<p>“So just how much harassment from Tim and Sasha can I expect tomorrow?”</p>
<p>“You know them.  There’s definitely going to be some, but I don’t think it will be as much as you think.  They’re both really happy for us.”</p>
<p>“I’m glad.  We might need some allies at the Institute depending on how Elias takes this.  Georgie adores you, by the way.  She called this evening to rave about how wonderful you are.  If she wasn’t so infatuated with this Melanie, I’d almost worry she had plans to steal you away.”</p>
<p>“Don’t think you need to worry about that.  Even if I wasn’t gay, I’ve only got eyes for you.”</p>
<p>“Still trying to figure out what I did to deserve that.”</p>
<p>“It’s just you, Jon.  It’s everything about you.”</p>
<p>He was quiet for a moment. “I’m not sure how to-”</p>
<p>“Take the compliment.”  Jon huffed out a laugh as Martin used his words against him.</p>
<p>“Fair enough.  Thank you.”</p>
<p>“So what book are you feeling tonight?”</p>
<p>“I’m thinking <em> Persuasion </em>.  I could use some preparation for the melodrama tomorrow might bring.  Austen can surely provide that.”</p>
<p>“You know, I’ve never read that one.”</p>
<p>There was silence again, and he grinned when he realized he knew Jon well enough now to know he was having an idea.  Sure enough- “I just started it, and I’m only a chapter or two in.  I could read it to you if you’d like.  Or is that-”</p>
<p>“Please.”  He hoped Jon couldn’t hear the slight hitch in his voice.  “That would be wonderful.”</p>
<p>“Alright, hold on.”  There were sounds of shifting and then the creaking of old leather and rustling of pages.  “Ready?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely.”</p>
<p>Five minutes later, he was completely lost in Jon’s voice and a world where no matter how bad things seemed, a happy ending was always promised.  They said goodnight when Jon started yawning in Chapter Four.</p>
<p>For the first time in his tiny, miserable little flat, Martin didn’t feel alone when he drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What do you do when you are way more comfortable writing dialogue than describing physical intimacy?  You figure out a way to have your characters talk a lot during the physical scenes. :)</p>
<p>I can't begin to tell you guys how much your comments and kudos have helped me over the last couple of months.  So all I can say is thank you.  Thank you all for being very bright spots in stressful times.  Take care of yourselves!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Me? Projecting my shitty ex issues onto Jon?  I don't know what you are talking about.</p>
<p>Also sorry for the delay on this.  Besides being in the middle of our surge at work, I've also fallen victim to the call of Hades and have spent a fair bit of my free time, courting Death, romancing Furies, and murdering shades.</p>
<p>Do they count as headcanons if they are about an AU that is all in your head?  Anyway, here's 2 you may find interesting:<br/>1.  The date that ended mutually amicably was totally Gerry.  I know the timeline doesn't line up, but if IRL Mr. Sims doesn't care about timelines, why should I?<br/>2.  Jon doesn't like the word 'ace.'  He feels it's just a way to gloss over the discomfort the subject causes some people.  He will exclusively use 'asexuality', but he doesn't correct others if he knows that is not their intention in using it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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